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The Good

There are times when we approach life confidently. When we feel strong, supported and anchored in our direction. Our interior dialog is positive, we are mindful, gentle and nurturing to our inner being, and as a result of this perspective and how we are viewing life we feel energized and on track…like everything is going our way.

From this space when we look out over our lives thinking of how far we’ve come and all of the progress that we’ve made we’re filled with a deep sense of accomplishment and often end up in the space where everything seems right with the world.

The Bad

At other times, we feel quite the opposite. It’s like the universe has a wrecking ball aimed at our lives and everything we touch just turns to shit. Nothing we do, goes as planned and life seems completely beyond our control.

These are the times when we feel stuck, like we’ve fallen down the hill we were climbing and we’re now at the bottom sitting in the mire of all the garbage we dropped down, never to be seen again along with everything else we thought we were leaving behind.

Our inner dialog is a little different here as we will often attempt to motivate ourselves out of this mess in a manner that resembles, flogging a tired horse.

So what’s the best approach when we are stuck in the middle of our old patterns and self-deceptions? Is it possible to remember to nurture ourselves, when we’ve fallen flat on our faces and are eating a mouthful of dirt???

It’s Only Dirt

Well, I think that lies in how you view the dirt.

Determining the View

Let’s take a look at falling into the mire from the Four Levels of Consciousness:

If I’m in the Life is Happening To Me level of consciousness, my first reaction will be to find someone or something to blame for my fall.

If I let go of blame and enter the Life is Happening By Me level of consciousness, I’d be more inclined to think…I can get myself up and I would proceed to dust off and move on…after all, I’m in control.

If I give up control and enter the Life is Happening Through Me level of consciousness, I might look at what happened and wonder what it has to teach me about how I’m approaching my life…I might query and ponder the timing of my fall, the position I fell into and distill learnings from the experience of falling…it would be all about understanding the positive purpose of falling and allowing that purpose to carry me forward.

Now if I give up separation and I enter the Life is Happening As Me level of consciousness, I would see the dirt and myself as one. From this perspective, I would see the fall as my own creation and an expression of the highest good manifesting in my life.

In the above scenarios, the act of falling into the dirt never changes, it remains an impartial fact…such as saying, I fell to the ground. I fell to the ground has no meaning in and of itself, the consciousness (to me, by me, through me, as me) having the experience (falling) creates meaning (good or bad) of the ground (the landing spot).

Bottom-Line

No one, no thing, no experience…can give the events of your life meaning, but you.

One Person’s Mire is Another Person’s Spa Treatment: A New Definition for Dirt

The first thing I’d like you to do is go back into your recent memories of reading this post and recall the images that speaking of falling down in the mire conjured up for you…was it anything like this?

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My friend Christine often says:

When you plant a seed, the first thing that comes up isn’t the perfectly formed sprout. The first thing that comes up is dirt.

In other words, when you embark on a new path, the resistance comes up first so you can push through it and get stronger in that process.

Love the Mire

Loving the mire is all about using the act of falling in our lives as a signal to recharge, and the dirt that comes up as a result of planting something new to nurture, heal and begin a gentle self-care routine that enables us to grow stronger while we push through life’s challenges.

It’s a signal that you’re moving…afterall if you weren’t making any changes, there’d be no place to fall from

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About a year and a half ago we took a trip to Molokai, Hawaii. The small island is now facing some difficulty over the management of the land on it’s Southwestern tip called La’au Point. I wrote about this controversy after our return in a post called, Saving La’au.

Endangered Monk Seals are right at home on La’au Point.

Molokai is special to me. I truly love this island and its Spirit. People don’t come for nightlife, chain stores or shows. People come to Molokai to connect with the locals, the land and to unwind.

Island time, truly exists here…stay awhile, and you’ll get lost in the timelessness of the place. The sacred also exists here, you see it in the faces around you, in the long ocean beaches, the red soil that stains your socks, the sheer cliffs of the northern shore and the fact that there is not a single traffic light on the entire island!

I understand why the people of Molokai protect it and why they are careful about the kinds of development they endorse. The land is a member of their family and so as we speak in this moment they are sacrificing their own comfort for the health of that family member, having opposed Molokai Ranch’s Master Plan for developing their holdings at La’au (an entity that owns roughly a third of Molokai). As a result the Ranch announced they are closing all of their operations on the island, taking 120 jobs away from the population of 8,000 who live there.

If living courageously is the key to co-creating life…then the people of Molokai are no strangers to courage.

I can’t help but wonder when this same dynamic will be a force of circumstance for those of us who reside here in the wide, open spaces, where the necessity of an act like this is harder to see…where we are less mindful of our connectedness than is an island…or can we, will we learn now where to draw the line on progress, from their example before it comes to that?

I don’t know the answer to that question…so instead, I’d like to share with you some of what I encountered while visiting the island, so that you can see what it is that the residents there are trying to protect.

Memories from Molokai

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The first trip I took to Molokai was very active. My husband had been coming to the island since he was a child, so we hiked as far out as our feet would take us nearly every day, rarely encountering another soul.

Toward the end of this first trip we hiked down into Kaluapapa on a trail consisting of 26 switchbacks stretching out over three miles, taking us down over 1600 feet to the sea level peninsula that was both home and prison to those struck with Hanson’s Disease in 1866. We learned about Father Damian, the priest that came seven years later to help by building houses, a hospital and a church for the inhabitants.

We were toured through the old structures and told the history of its residents; from the times when they were cast off into the ocean to fight their way to shore in the 1860’s, through to the drugs that cured the disease in the 1940’s up to Kaluapapa’s current modern day residents…survivors, whom remain by choice.

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Awe inspiring beauty and the horror of its history co-exist in this place…serving as an opportunity to break open the hearts of all who visit for under the surface, a living, almost palpable strength of spirit that is unifying beyond the challenges that one encounters in the world can be found here. It speaks to the beauty that exists…in and through all forms of life.

When the tour ended however, there were some four-legged forms in particular that we wanted to get ahead of, so we hustled back up the switchback path attempting to beat the caravan of mules that had served to bring many of our tour fellows in. Slowly hiking up a path covered in fresh mule dung on a hot afternoon just didn’t seem appealing…so it was our plan to get through first

On the way up, sweating, panting and striping off as much clothing as we considered decent, we were passed by a friendly and very fit Hawaiian who was not at all out of breath. He smiled at us and said, “You guys are doing really well!” as he continued up the path, as if on a leisurely stroll.

We looked at each other, barely able to inhale in the unaccustomed humidity and watched him continue on, not missing a beat. With our heads down and our hands grasping our knees…we started laughing as soon as we could catch a breath. It was amusing to us because in that moment our perception of health and of being in shape shifted to a new possibility.

My husband and I have always been people that work at health and at that time in our lives we were especially disciplined. This man however, was in a league of his own. It would not have surprised us if he walked this grueling hike everyday for fun!

Thinking of him, made the climb easier and to a large degree we stopped taking ourselves so seriously the rest of the way up…just in time too, cause our next stop was the infamous Phallic Rock

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The Phallic Rock is an ancient fertility site dedicated to the male fertility God Nanahoa. As the God himself was thought to be encased in the stone, barren women throughout the ages would bring offerings and spend the night at the rock’s base in hopes of conceiving a child. Women still come here to bring their offerings and pray for fertility.

I’ve been to the rock twice, once on our honeymoon and once while 36 weeks pregnant. The stone has amazing energy that most people find irresistible.

If you hang out there for long enough you will see people laughing while they sit on it, straddle it, or stand next to it. Most can’t help but allow their hands to follow over the contours of the stone for a time as well, seemingly reluctant to leave. Apparently, Nanahoa’s power is still there working in full bloom as we’ve heard and experienced quite a few tales of conception surrounding visits to the Phallic Rock!

What’s Next for Molokai?

Well, this is not an easy question…but I think the answer lies in connectivity. From what I understand the Molokai Community Service Council is working toward raising enough money to buy the land at La’au Point from Molokai Ranch. The Ranch is saying that the development of this land was necessary for them to continue their Molokai operations. It is uncertain if the jobs will come back once they have divided up and sold the land at La’au.

Part of the struggle that the people of this island seem to have faced over recent years stems from outside interests. The investors that own land do not live on the island and so, if something changes in the financial climate they simply leave (this is what happened to the plantations some years ago). I would like to see what would happen if the jobs that sustained the people on the island belonged to the community, rather than individuals

What Can I Do to Help?

Many believe that what happens to one of us, in actuality is happening to all of us. There is a fabulous rain forest myth about a man who kills the song bird of the forest, and with the bird, he kills the song and with the song…he kills himself.

So this question of how to help has been on my mind the most. My first response is to pray for them, which I have been doing because I believe there is power in that. My next idea was to create some kind of symbolism (like the song bird was in the above mentioned myth) for the spirit of the people, something that illustrates their aliveness while emphasizing connectivity.

In my mind the symbolism that came out of this line of thinking was a Hawaiian version of Friendship Bread. For those of you who are unfamiliar, this bread requires a starter (like in sour dough). Making this bread is a ten day process of intent and sharing.

Once it is started, it spreads and the starter then has to be fed and passed onto others, who will likewise do the same. The care and concern required to make this bread is symbolic of the community spirit that is necessary to get through a situation like the one currently facing the residents of Molokai. If you are interested in participating in the bread chain, please e-mail me at pk@paulakawal.com.

Lastly, there is the option of financial support. If you want to donate (this is not a pressure thing, I think prayer is just as powerful), then please click here. You will be taken to the Molokai Community Service Council’s donation page to buy Molokai Ranch.

And as always…much love to you…or as they say in Hawaiian:
Me Ke Aloha Pumehana!

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This is the continuation of an article I wrote on Valentine’s Day called Manifesting the Love of Your Life, in which I outlined the process of creating your love list and invited you to take my beliefs about love questionnaire to help you determine what energies are operating in your love life.

Armed with your list of what you want in a romantic partner and the belief systems you have about love that have been playing in the background you can now determine how close of a vibrational match you are to getting what you want.

Most people find incongruities at this point…and end up facing the fact that many of their thought patterns (while living in the same space) are in direct conflict with one another. With their energy so divided…it’s easy to see why they’ve been getting the results they have been.

Bringing it all to a clear space, is what I’d like to talk about next.

Adopting the Attitude of Heart-Centered Living

What most of us really want is relationships in which we feel safe to be ourselves, in which we can let down our walls and in which we don’t have to hide or guard our vulnerabilities.

This viewpoint can actually constrict our ability to love ourselves and others due to the amount of attention and energy we spend toward trying to be safe.

In heart-centered living, we don’t have to try to be safe because we let the feelings of life move through our hearts, seeing both pleasure and pain as part of the human experience. This viewpoint moves us into closer connection with ourselves and others as we are no longer occupied with rejecting, avoiding or otherwise resisting our life’s situations.

The most common ways people tend to get it wrong are:

(A) Not knowing how to safely experience pain and
(B) trying to find someplace outside of themselves in which to be safe.

You Are the Only One Who Can Break Your Heart

Relationships are often filled with these two motivators, fear of being hurt and the search for a safe haven. So will this person break your heart or will they be the safety you’re searching for?

The answer is neither. Your partners actions can not break your heart. Only you can do that. Pain is resistance to whatever we are experiencing. It is how we interact with, interpret and give meaning to the events in our lives that causes us to suffer as a result of pain.

Pain in and of itself is a good thing, it is a warning system that is there to give you information about your environment.

Emotional pain happens when we create a restriction of the flow into and out of our heart system by not fully acknowledging, feeling and accepting our emotions. When our emotions are not fully expressed, the energy of the heart becomes blocked and contracted creating a sense of isolation and aloneness.

You break your own heart by rejecting life and this in turn disconnects you from your inner being…so when you find yourself immersed in judgment, rejection, pain, grief and other emotions that make you want to contract, bring kindness to yourself and comfort the part of you having the feeling. Don’t abandon yourself…be there for you by accepting and being present with your feelings.

The Spiritual Levels of Sexual Partnership

Sexual union and marriage on a spiritual level can be visually understood by observing the yin-yang symbol which represents opposites that are mutually rooted within the same system, transforming into one another while always holding the balance that creates the whole.

A marriage, or intimate relationship represents the process of two becoming one. Sex is the closest we get physically to this spiritual experience.

When you enter a relationship, your commitment is not to the other person as much as it is to the process of becoming whole…this is where we often become confused. We’re not loosing ourselves, giving up or otherwise being unfairly treated as our egos would have us believe by being in a relationship…instead we are surrendering our lives over to our authentic selves and sacrificing our egos so that our separateness becomes one, spiritually.

This is about riding the line of our connectedness…or our bliss. The goal is to stay centered in that connected space. When we keep our beingness and consciousness on that line we create rapture…and through the doors of rapture resides the timeless space that is the gateway to both life and death. In essence, sexual union represents this timeless, whole state of rapture…the death of separateness and a re-birth into a state of wholeness, which on the physical plane is the energy of creation itself.

As you can imagine, the ego has no vested interest in going down this path which is why you need to be the one calling the shots…

So how do you want to show up in a relationship? Which version of your current reality will get you closer to being whole? Is it the story of love’s past, of your broken hearts, of your bad luck or is it something else?

Putting it Together

Creating something else requires us to view our role in a love relationship from a more empowering perspective.

Much of this is accomplished by aligning ourselves with the higher level spiritual truth behind the desire to be in relationship with a partner…the opportunity to consciously experience our spiritual wholeness on the physical plane.

So now that you know what the real goal is, are clear about what qualities you want in a partner and the beliefs you held around love that have been interfering with creating the kind of relationship you want, it’s time to tap into your personal power and determine how you want to show up, so that you can get different results.

Choosing How You Show Up in a Relationship

The following exercise is useful for determining possibilities and filtering through them for the most empowering results.

Enter a meditative state, close your eyes, relax, breathe deeply and see yourself surrounded by protective white light.

Travel in your mind through time and space, to a place where you can see stretched out far behind you, a path that represents your life so far.

Out in front of you is the myriad amount of possibilities that could unfold. Stretch your hand out before you, and set your mind toward how life would look if you were living it as your most loving self.

The possibilities respond to your thoughts and begin to reorganize, reaching up to touch your hand and as they do, you see a movie of what life is like in each of them.

Try on as many as you like, get curious about them and study their differences until you find one that fits you. You’ll know by the energy and love you feel in your body as you experience it.

Once you’ve found it, examine the actions you take from this possibility as well as the thoughts and beliefs you hold as this most loving person. Notice what is happening in your life as a result.

When you are satisfied, make a commitment to yourself to allow your consciousness to reside in this possible reality, by building a bridge between it and your present circumstances.

Create a vision board that represents what you saw and felt as your most loving self…allowing it to flow into manifestation through the power of your conscious choice and intent.

Remember, you are one who is in control of and designing how you show up in life and in love

As always, feel free to share your thoughts and experiences!

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A Rose By Any Other Name

I’ve written this article for those who would like to bring a little more love in their lives. If you are at a place where you want to find someone of like mind and heart to spend a little bit of time with, this article is for you.

Love and the Law of Attraction

Before I met my husband I had a list of criteria I wanted in a romantic partner. I wasn’t even interested in dating someone that didn’t meet these requirements. When dating a new person I always had what I was looking for in mind, and if I didn’t see enough matches early on I moved on to someone else. Although I never realized it, I was using the law of attraction to find what I wanted.

I had dated enough to have a list of areas that I was really clear on…and I was a complete and total match for getting it partially because I would accept nothing less and partially because my beliefs were congruent with what I wanted.

The Love List

To begin getting clear on what you want in a romantic partner, compile a list of attributes that are a “must have” for you, in that special someone. Write down everything that comes to mind and then go into detail as to why specifically it matters, what your person having that will get for you and what makes it a must have. When you’ve finished your list, the next step is to find out if you are a vibrational match for what you want.

The Vibration Revelation

Many of us think we know how we feel about love, what we want and how to get it, however I am guessing that most of know less than we think. A love relationship is an old subject even for the very young among us as it is one of the very first relationships that we experience.

As a child growing up we form ideas about love, what it means, what it will get for us and how to get it by watching the interaction of those around us…the conclusions we come to become deeply embedded within us, operating below the level of our conscious thought.

Are you curious about the beliefs you have lurking under the surface within your deeper mind? Are you wondering what is driving your patterns, attracting you to the same type of man/woman and influencing the kinds of relationships you bring into your life?

If so, answering the following questions will reveal how you really think about love and provide a window into how congruent your thoughts are in this most important area of life.

Comparing the outcomes of these questions with the attributes you’re looking for in a partner with give you a good idea if you are a vibrational match for what it is that you want.

So what if you’re not a match for what you want? I’ll cover that in part two of Manifesting the Love of Your Life.

Uncovering How You Think About Love

Fill in the Blank

People in love are _________

Love makes people_________

I’d have love if_____________

My dad thought love was__________

My mom always thought love would__________

In my family love caused_______________

Love equals_______________

If I had love I’d_____________

If I could have love it would___________

Love is not___________

I’m afraid if I had love I would____________

Love is________________

Love causes______________

In order to be loved I need to______________

When I’m in love I usually_______________

If I could love freely I’d_____________

People think love__________________

When someone is single it tells me that_________________

People are single because________________

People become loved by_______________

Single people are____________________

Married people are__________________

When I was a kid I knew which kid’s parents were married and which were divorced. I was the kid of __________ parents and this had the following affects on my thoughts about relationships_________________.

This article was featured in:

Total Mind and Body Fitness Carnival
The Second Edition of the Carnival of Improving Life

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As many of you know, last December I participated in the Spread the Love, NOW! writing project by blogging about compassion. My post, Cultivating Compassion Through ‘I Am That’ Thinking was selected by the judges as one of six winners to receive the prize of The Now Watch.

I was absolutely thrilled as after writing my article I had an epiphany of sorts about some of my earlier experiences with being a writer which I detailed in my article,
The Parable of the Watch.

The lesson of my article surrounded the way that we use our gifts and talents in life as opposed to what their true function may be for us.

Or expressed in another way, how our minds can get a hold of a gift or talent that we have and allow for only one kind of reality in which that gift can manifest…pigeon-holing us to create a very specific outer circumstance in order to have an inner experience that was ours for the taking all along.

I thought that would be the end of my writings about it, however, it turns out that the watch had an on-going purpose…one that beautifully illustrates the power of detachment and how that too…can lead to compassion.

On The Way

A week or so ago, Adam Rothenhaus, founder of the Now Watch wrote me to let me know that my prize was on the way.

I have to admit, I was very excited and wondered what my experience with the watch would be…as I was expecting with the word NOW printed across the front, it would act as a reminder to stay present and out of what Eckhart Tolle refers to as psychological time or our tendency to endlessly wander to the past or future and avoid living in the now altogether.

Last Friday, I came home from taking my son Sebastian to his gymnastics class and my husband looked at me and said, “There’s some bad news”.

Missing Mail

Our neighbor had called Jason to say that her son Scott had found a pile of discarded mail on his bike path near the front of their yard. Among the pile of discarded envelopes was the empty package of a Now Watch.

My husband embraced me after sharing the news, he knew that the watch was a symbolic confirmation of spirit for me and that hearing this might perhaps make me sad and it did. I experienced the swell of emotion and caught myself about to say a resounding “No!” to this circumstance and resist…but then I stopped.

Instead I just felt it, allowing my thoughts to go nowhere but to my breathing. As I breathed with no inner dialog I pulled back from the situation and viewed it from the larger perspective of the entire story that was unfolding…laughter and joy started to bubble up from inside of me at just how funny it all was.

I told Jason that perhaps the people who had stolen our mail needed the reminder of presence a bit more than I did and that this was the perfect opportunity to practice empowerment via detachment.

The Power of Detachment

Detachment is useful because it keeps us from wrapping our identities up in objects, people, circumstances or any number of things we may encounter in life that can be a source of unhappiness if we mistakenly associate these things, actions, abilities or situations with an extension of who we are.

Detachment allows us to feel just how large and connected we really are within our challenges, attachment on the other hand makes us feel small and alone.

It allows us a separation from our ideas about ourselves and the rightness or wrongness of our life circumstances and experiences by connecting us with the core of who and what we really are in the present moment…outside of judgment.

Using Detachment

I used a few methods to help me detach from the circumstances of the above story.

Breathe. The first thing I did was breathe deeply. It sounds like a simple thing but it is enormously helpful when you want to keep thoughts from hijacking your mind and running off with it. By breathing deeply and on count, it took my focus into my body and out of my head. Making it easier for me to experience the situation outside of judgment and giving me time to choose how I wanted it go.

Observe. The second thing I did was take an observer position. I climbed outside of myself and viewed the situation as if I was a bystander watching the event unfold. From this perspective I could see myself within the larger system around me and it brought the event to a manageable size.

Ever notice how when you’re right in the middle of something it looks so big that it seems like there is nothing else there but this problem confronting you? Becoming an observer is one of the fastest methods I know of for creating space around a challenge.

Trust. The third thing I did was consciously embrace the situation by trusting that everything had gone just as it should have.

I started thinking of the watch as having adventures and I got curious as to how it may bring a note of presence to it’s current company.

I began to wonder at the forces at work providing opportunities to all sides to grow…and I saw all of this as an extension of my own consciousness creating circumstances that would allow me to travel even further down that growth path.

Greater Good

I’ve been reading Little House on the Prairie to my kids at night (Laura Ingalls Wilder and I go way back but that is a story for another time ). At the end of the book when they have to leave the new house they built due to the government changing their minds about letting the settlers stay on the land, Laura says she finally understood what her Pa meant when he said, “There is no great loss without some small gain.”

As they had lost their home, their cow (no more milk or butter) and most of their belongings aside of what would fit in the wagon but they had gained not having to save certain foods any longer to start their garden and so they had a feast of sorts despite the circumstances…finding that the small things had the power to lift them out of the greater ones.

I found this perspective interesting today as I opened the package from the police department returning not one but two empty packages, both of personal development products.

I thought about the intuition that led the person who took the mail to come to our neighborhood and happen by our mailbox on the very day these products arrived. Surely, their guides were leading them in any way they could toward us…and the spiritual tools that were in our mailbox.

Does Detachment Mean You Do Nothing?

Detachment does not require that you do nothing. Detachment ensures that your actions will arise from the needs of the situation instead of from insecurity, anger or fear.

We feel very centered and at peace with all that has occurred and from this energy arose the action of replacing our mailbox with the locking kind over the weekend.

We did it happily and simply because it was what needed to be done .

You may wonder if we would have replaced our box anyway. Yes, we would have but without detachment we would have been angry and in a place of resistance, demanding that the situation somehow change so that we could maintain our false sense of control.

The outward effects of the two different approaches may look the same but the energy created makes a world of difference regarding your inner experience and the kind of situations you want to attract into your world.

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• A Lightworker’s Journey Inward…

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The Meaning of Tears

Here they come again. Wet, hot tears…streaming down my face, wracking sobs buckle me over and I wonder once again why this would be? After all I knew this was coming, Grandma showed me everything I could want to know and more…so why am I overtaken like this.

Why don’t you ask the part of you who cries? Knowing-ness queried. Hmmm, I hadn’t thought of that. So I drop down inside, identify the part and I ask, what are you trying to tell me?

Rising up in front of my face very close is a red faced little girl. She’s me and she clenches her fist in my direction and shouts, Don’t you ever forget how much I love her! Don’t you ever forget her!

I draw her up in my arms and comfort her. I know you loved your Grandma, I love her too. It’s o.k. I’ll never forget. As I make this promise the feeling sinks back down to the depths from which it came.

Looking for a Sign

The last time I spiritually saw Grandma was on the day she died. I’ve felt her and heard her but could not detect her with my spiritual sight. I wondered at this; unconsciously looking for a sign.

Grandma’s Message

Then while listening to a new CD I got for Christmas I received one. “She’s Too Much”, played and I experienced the rising tears again. I told the part, I’ll always remember her and I’ll always love her but there was something more the part wanted me to know.

As I tuned into it I saw Grandma standing there…swaying to the music singing…

she’s gentle to the touch
she’s everything head-first
so happy to be causing trouble
sometimes the pressure gets too much
and you think she’s going to burst
and shatter like a Xmas bauble

I’ll be there when the world is coming down upon her
when she’s scared I’ll be there fighting in her corner
I’ll be there when the walls are closing to surround her
in the air as she falls with my arms around her
holding on I’m looking out for her thin skin
because she’s everything - and I don’t think she knows

She’s such a gentle touch
She’s too much a gentle touch

she likes to catch the sun
plays with it like a ball
and never mind whatever keeps it burning
someday she might just be the one
who’s going to save us all
if this apocalypse is coming

I’ll be there when the world is coming down upon her
when she’s scared I’ll be there fighting in her corner
I’ll be there when the walls are closing to surround her
in the air as she falls with my arms around her
holding on I’m looking out for her thin skin
because she’s everything – but I don’t think she knows
I don’t think she knows

she is such – a gentle touch - I don’t think she knows
she’s too much – the gentle touch - I don’t think she knows
she is such – a gentle touch - I don’t think she knows
she’s too much – the gentle touch

Lyrics: Simon Le Bon
Music: Duran Duran
© 2007 Skin Divers

The Queen of Hearts

My Grandma’s spirit is strong, her presence is more like that of the angels I’ve experienced than any other energy I’ve encountered so far.

In life she was always a source of cheer, love and protection. It would appear from her message that none of that has changed

Related Posts:
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• The Stillness of Spirit…Merry Christmas!
• What Do You See When Things Get Broken?
• Celebrating Others
• Messages Through Time

Stolte Packing Shed - Built by my great, great grandfather along with his sons in 1909.

Messages From Guides

Many signposts are written, many messages are sent…the question is how you do use the information you receive.

My guides tell me that they are always communicating with us, when I asked them about why I’ve had such heightened experiences with them over the past year they indicated it was because my awareness had grown to a level where I actually began to act on what I received in a way that allowed the experience to grow and they indicated that one of the biggest mistakes people make with their guides lies in the way that they attach meaning to the messages.

Like learning a new language, you have to wait for the context and just assume you don’t know. When I began to just hold what I received and take an attitude of curiosity about it, that’s when it really started to take off.

I feel that the final chapter of this series that commenced earlier in the year due to a psychic encounter with my great grandfather Ernest, illustrates this very well. You can find the previous entries in the series here: part one and part two.

Following Intuition

Ernest showed me scenes from his family’s passage from Denver to the town of Cedaredge, CO by train and the trunk that carried all of his belongings to their new homestead when he was just fourteen years of age.

Following his promptings to visit the area, I went to see my grandmother in August, arriving on her birthday. Since she could no longer speak to me due to advanced Alzheimer’s, I curled up next to her on the bed and communicated with her through the only method I had available to me…trance.

The first thing I noticed from years of burying my head into her for gigantic hugs as a child was the acidic undertone that hung against the comforting scent of the woman who had always been a second mother to me. Though I didn’t realize it at the time, my senses were the first to pick up the shifting energy.

My grandmother and I spoke for some time while I was in trance state. We hadn’t talked for long before she mentioned her dad coming to pick her up, showing me a mental movie of him walking through the door and herself as a child of about five running to his open arms for an embrace. He picked her up, gave me a nod and said, It’s time to go see mother. And with that he headed into the early winter evening with my grandmother in his arms toward a small house full of people waiting for them to arrive.

Loose Ends

On December 29th, I received an e-mail from my Aunt saying that my grandmother had given them a scare but seemed to be doing better now. I immediately went into meditation connecting with her only to find that everything was different…I knew she was dying.

My grandmother had been bedridden with Alzheimer’s for years. I always thought there must have been a reason for her to hang on all of this time. Even so, I was surprised to find her in turmoil when I entered her energy as she had been so congruent the last time I communicated with her. I asked her to show me what she was experiencing that was causing this distress.

A glowing scroll-like paper appeared and I knew immediately that all of this centered around some sort of spiritual contract that was still playing out in her energy. As I focused on it, the scene rolled out before me.

There was an inn-like structure in which my grandmother and another woman were holed up. A threat was underway and they were frightened for their lives. A man whom I recognized as one of my uncle’s entered the inn door through the shadows and was erroneously perceived as an enemy by my grandmother who stabbed and killed him.

I got the sense through all of this that my uncle was a very loved and respected man, so it was quite tragic and horrific to them losing him in this way.

In this life, however, the cycle was to play out differently. My uncle has had a troubled life from a very early age. My grandmother always tried to help and protect him, in fact he still lived with her up until the disease advanced beyond her ability to care for him. His anger and vehemence toward life was getting worse so they were separated by force before they got the chance to live out the remainder of their karmic debt.

In viewing this movie of their past life interaction I was gifted with a huge moment of understanding regarding their close bond in life. I called them to me and together we viewed what happened as a group, my grandmother to my right and my uncle to my left.

I mediated by talking about how hurting each other was never an intent but rather a result of circumstance and asked each of them if they were ready to rewrite this contract rather than allow it to play out again. From this vantage point in which they had more information it was easy for them to see how unnecessary it was to continue any further with it and the contract dissolved at the moment of their agreement.

Leaving or Getting Home?

Later on that day my grandmother died very quickly, and with ease. Her father had come to take her home on the same day he departed this earth 48 years before…just as she showed me he would.

When I look back on what I have experienced, I am very grateful that I acted on the information I was given with openness and curiosity about where it would lead because that is what allowed me to receive it fully. As a result, I was present for my grandmother’s last birthday which was immensely important to me. Had I doubted what I received I would have missed it and rationalized my way out of taking the trip. Instead, I did not allow the rational mind to come in and switch things off…so I was then able to be of assistance in clearing her karmic debt before she passed as well.

Paradigm Shift

On December 30th, my husband’s birthday, I received confirmation from my mom that grandma had gone. As a day that our family traditionally celebrates life, I thought it appropriate to buy a bouquet of lilies as a space holder for my grandmother. With their energy I created a place at our table for her to join us…and I know she’s with us still

When I think about life/death and time, I’m filled with awe. There is a reverence within me that accompanies thoughts of the void; the door that swings both ways through consciousness moving in and out of form in this dance that we describe as life.

This same deep, void is the pool from which our intuition springs…and perhaps therein lies some of the mystery. Every time I use my intuition I think of it as dipping into that pool and swimming with the universe which runs through every thing and every one I’ve ever loved. My thoughts for the new year revolve around swimming there often with curiosity and acceptance of whatever new adventures life brings.

Related Posts:
• The End of Form
• She’s Too Much
• Re-Write Your Story
• Messages Through Time: Part 2
• Openess Determines Perspective

Patricia Singleton (the recipient of the free coaching session given away on the site to celebrate it’s launch) has written about her experience on her blog, Spiritual Journey of a Lightworker.

Yesterday at 1:00 p.m. CST, I was blessed with a free session with Paula Kawal which I won by leaving a comment on her article Celebrate the Wellspring and Win a Free Coaching Session found on her website paulakawal.com . If you aren’t aware or haven’t visited in awhile, visit Paula at her site. You will be glad that you did. The writing and the coaching sessions that she does are fantastic.

Patricia blogs in great detail about her amazing results and what her session was like…so if you’ve been curious about coaching and want to hear someone’s first-hand account, then head on over to her site and share her experience by reading her Journey Within Coaching Session with Paula Kawal post .

For a really good comparison of what she was experiencing before our session also read, Cry When You Need To and Feelings.

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Image Credit

Friendly or Frightening?

Most of us find certain challenges in life frightening and do our best to avoid them, while others we face without fear and actually relish the experience.

This particular paradox within myself, was one of which I have always been acutely aware. In some situations I was paralyzed with fear, while in others I seemed to possess this insane (by the standard of others) streak within me that looked forward to the challenge and everything it would bring.

Perhaps it was a way to test myself, to stretch and use all that I’d learned or perhaps it was the invigorating feeling of really being in life that I would occasionally experience from cheerfully facing an obstacle that had presented itself within my world. Whatever it was, I knew that in certain circumstances I could actually be revitalized by the things just popping into my experience.

Eventually I began to see a pattern in the positive challenges I was having and learned to map out those aspects of the situation that created those feelings for me, this evolved into a practice that I will share with you below.

4 Steps to Turning Challenges into Opportunities

1) Adopt an attitude of curiosity

One of the first differences I noticed about my two ways of experiencing challenges was an attitude of curiosity.

In my positive experiences, there was a chance in my mind that this might turn into something fun. When this attitude of curiosity was present, I would play hide and seek with this idea which generated a lot of excitement. When I started looking, I always found something worth further exploration and this shaped the experience into one I wanted to have.

Playing with curiosity allowed me to understand that my frightening experiences surrounding being challenged were often rooted in a belief that I had no choice about the situation in front of me, in my positive experiences I moved away from that belief by getting interested in and investigating, what was on my path.

2) Become the student of your life

The second thing I noticed was that I was suffering under the common affliction known as SHAME…(S)hould (H)ave (A)lready (M)astered (E)verything! And in this one, I was in very good company.

A frequent frustration I had surrounding challenges was the silly idea that I shouldn’t have found it challenging, or in other words I should have already mastered the situation! If I had already mastered it, it wouldn’t be much of a challenge! So where is the growth in that???

I found a more useful frame was to allow myself to be the student of my own life…I am here to learn, evolve, change and ultimately grow in many ways all at once. Challenges are a wonderful pathway to growth…when taking on the student of my own life frame, I asked the challenge what it had come to teach me.

3) Expand your comfort zone

This was a big one. I discovered that most of the challenges I found uncomfortable were the result of a lack of exercise. I was unaccustomed to giving my comfort zones a good workout. Even though I knew that all new growth requires stepping out beyond where we’ve previously gone before, it never occurred to me target my weak areas in such a manner. Mostly, I just tried to forget about them and swept them under the carpet when I accidentally stumbled across them.

So instead I started paying really close attention any time I was uncomfortable, taking careful notice of the situation, knowing there was some message of growth hiding there. For me it wasn’t about creeping out into the unknown in barely noticeable increments, it was about walking out far enough to turn around and see where I had been standing last.

Doing this had many benefits. First, it’s significantly more difficult to go into patterned behavior in new territory and when I did…I was acutely aware of the pattern that was rising up within me. This reflection of “self” interaction was worth the effort alone because it is the kind of awareness that leads to being able to change things that are so unconscious they become automatic.

Second was I got to see where I was last from a new point of view. This is another form of expanded awareness that is highly valuable as it is from this perspective that I often climb out of confusion, develop my vision for where I want to go and embrace the change of direction that will get me there.

And third is that practicing this reduced the amount of fear I carried around about what may happen to me in life. When I got used to challenging myself, and being uncomfortable it wasn’t such a big deal to me anymore…which gave me a lot more confidence when life would unexpectedly throw me some new territory

4) Make a friend of fear

And lastly we come to the full integration of this practice. I now view the challenges that come up in life as a friend that has something really important to show me.

When something new shows up in my world, I take on the assumption that it has come to present me with some really positive purpose and I place whatever it brings to me in the frame of a teacher, mentor or guide.

This assumption allows me to have a sense of gratitude in my life that isn’t dependent upon things going a certain way, providing me with a lot of flexibility and a new definition for what I term an opportunity!

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Smelly Energy

Energy imbalance happens. For me, it started a few weeks ago after my husband issued me a growth challenge. You know, the kind that once it’s been uttered makes a part of you cringe in the corner and whimper…it had to be that one, didn’t it?

I knew the time was right to face this particular challenge however and I did my part, I got in there and I met it head on. This did not occur without creating an imbalance though. I was so focused on the challenge that I did not pay as close attention to all the signs and signals I usually monitor in the world around me that help to keep me aligned.

So I didn’t pay attention. I just kept on going. I knew that my energy was off, but I just kept focused thinking it would balance out soon.

Getting My Attention

It didn’t though. A message was trying to come through…something was out to get my attention and it appeared that it would do whatever was necessary. So, as these things will commonly manifest, my son came home from school with a cold so nasty it halted family productivity for a week. Every single one of us got it.

Sick, sniffling, barely able to talk I asked myself why I had gone along with being sick. The usual, perhaps you wanted to get out of doing certain things, answer came up but it was hollow. There was some truth to that but it didn’t stick. It took several more days and feelings unwarranted of by my life situation before I was ready to find out.

The Sticking Place

I called my friend Raj to say that something deeply unconscious was trying to make it’s way up to the surface. I wanted his help in speaking with it. He asked if I had checked to see if anything was in my energy space. I hadn’t done this, so he quickly told me what to do, I thanked him for his help and we agreed to talk again later on in the week.

When I entered into my energy something was there. It was a great big ape-like creature hunkering in the darkness. On its head was a single horn. He had such a look of disheartened sadness upon his face that I felt it burrow into my chest. Silently the eyes probed me. What they were searching for I felt more than understood. My heart went out to this creature and I asked it, “Who are you? Why are you here?”

“I am your strength.” he said, “I can not leave.” I stared at him uncomprehending and bewildered. Why on earth is my strength in this condition? Why is it outside of me? What is this energy surrounding it…like a bird with broken wings??? It seems like he should fly I thought, and the thought gave him a pair of wings that began to flap in a wild attempt to lift him from the ground and that was when I became aware of the chain. I ordered the wings to stop and my right arm became an extension of light that took on the hardness and edge of a sword. With my light saber arm, I easily cut the bonds of his restraints and the creature became surrounded by light that emanated from its horn…it was metamorphosing.

I came out of the meditation with two things; the first was the release of the energy imbalance and illness I had been experiencing for the past few weeks and second was an understanding that I had just encountered a teaching. Somehow, I had chained, shackled and locked up my strength and power. Like the cocooned butterfly, the bird that takes to wing and the flower that bursts forth to bloom one can only stay in their place of protection for so long before they outgrow it, and they simply must enter the world in their new form or they will whither to a spark or fragment of what they could have experienced.

The important thing in life is this; to be willing at any moment to sacrifice who we are, for what we could become ~ Charles Du Bois

I don’t know the limits of what I can become…but I am willing to find out

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