Image Credit

This is the continuation of an article I wrote on Valentine’s Day called Manifesting the Love of Your Life, in which I outlined the process of creating your love list and invited you to take my beliefs about love questionnaire to help you determine what energies are operating in your love life.

Armed with your list of what you want in a romantic partner and the belief systems you have about love that have been playing in the background you can now determine how close of a vibrational match you are to getting what you want.

Most people find incongruities at this point…and end up facing the fact that many of their thought patterns (while living in the same space) are in direct conflict with one another. With their energy so divided…it’s easy to see why they’ve been getting the results they have been.

Bringing it all to a clear space, is what I’d like to talk about next.

Adopting the Attitude of Heart-Centered Living

What most of us really want is relationships in which we feel safe to be ourselves, in which we can let down our walls and in which we don’t have to hide or guard our vulnerabilities.

This viewpoint can actually constrict our ability to love ourselves and others due to the amount of attention and energy we spend toward trying to be safe.

In heart-centered living, we don’t have to try to be safe because we let the feelings of life move through our hearts, seeing both pleasure and pain as part of the human experience. This viewpoint moves us into closer connection with ourselves and others as we are no longer occupied with rejecting, avoiding or otherwise resisting our life’s situations.

The most common ways people tend to get it wrong are:

(A) Not knowing how to safely experience pain and
(B) trying to find someplace outside of themselves in which to be safe.

You Are the Only One Who Can Break Your Heart

Relationships are often filled with these two motivators, fear of being hurt and the search for a safe haven. So will this person break your heart or will they be the safety you’re searching for?

The answer is neither. Your partners actions can not break your heart. Only you can do that. Pain is resistance to whatever we are experiencing. It is how we interact with, interpret and give meaning to the events in our lives that causes us to suffer as a result of pain.

Pain in and of itself is a good thing, it is a warning system that is there to give you information about your environment.

Emotional pain happens when we create a restriction of the flow into and out of our heart system by not fully acknowledging, feeling and accepting our emotions. When our emotions are not fully expressed, the energy of the heart becomes blocked and contracted creating a sense of isolation and aloneness.

You break your own heart by rejecting life and this in turn disconnects you from your inner being…so when you find yourself immersed in judgment, rejection, pain, grief and other emotions that make you want to contract, bring kindness to yourself and comfort the part of you having the feeling. Don’t abandon yourself…be there for you by accepting and being present with your feelings.

The Spiritual Levels of Sexual Partnership

Sexual union and marriage on a spiritual level can be visually understood by observing the yin-yang symbol which represents opposites that are mutually rooted within the same system, transforming into one another while always holding the balance that creates the whole.

A marriage, or intimate relationship represents the process of two becoming one. Sex is the closest we get physically to this spiritual experience.

When you enter a relationship, your commitment is not to the other person as much as it is to the process of becoming whole…this is where we often become confused. We’re not loosing ourselves, giving up or otherwise being unfairly treated as our egos would have us believe by being in a relationship…instead we are surrendering our lives over to our authentic selves and sacrificing our egos so that our separateness becomes one, spiritually.

This is about riding the line of our connectedness…or our bliss. The goal is to stay centered in that connected space. When we keep our beingness and consciousness on that line we create rapture…and through the doors of rapture resides the timeless space that is the gateway to both life and death. In essence, sexual union represents this timeless, whole state of rapture…the death of separateness and a re-birth into a state of wholeness, which on the physical plane is the energy of creation itself.

As you can imagine, the ego has no vested interest in going down this path which is why you need to be the one calling the shots…

So how do you want to show up in a relationship? Which version of your current reality will get you closer to being whole? Is it the story of love’s past, of your broken hearts, of your bad luck or is it something else?

Putting it Together

Creating something else requires us to view our role in a love relationship from a more empowering perspective.

Much of this is accomplished by aligning ourselves with the higher level spiritual truth behind the desire to be in relationship with a partner…the opportunity to consciously experience our spiritual wholeness on the physical plane.

So now that you know what the real goal is, are clear about what qualities you want in a partner and the beliefs you held around love that have been interfering with creating the kind of relationship you want, it’s time to tap into your personal power and determine how you want to show up, so that you can get different results.

Choosing How You Show Up in a Relationship

The following exercise is useful for determining possibilities and filtering through them for the most empowering results.

Enter a meditative state, close your eyes, relax, breathe deeply and see yourself surrounded by protective white light.

Travel in your mind through time and space, to a place where you can see stretched out far behind you, a path that represents your life so far.

Out in front of you is the myriad amount of possibilities that could unfold. Stretch your hand out before you, and set your mind toward how life would look if you were living it as your most loving self.

The possibilities respond to your thoughts and begin to reorganize, reaching up to touch your hand and as they do, you see a movie of what life is like in each of them.

Try on as many as you like, get curious about them and study their differences until you find one that fits you. You’ll know by the energy and love you feel in your body as you experience it.

Once you’ve found it, examine the actions you take from this possibility as well as the thoughts and beliefs you hold as this most loving person. Notice what is happening in your life as a result.

When you are satisfied, make a commitment to yourself to allow your consciousness to reside in this possible reality, by building a bridge between it and your present circumstances.

Create a vision board that represents what you saw and felt as your most loving self…allowing it to flow into manifestation through the power of your conscious choice and intent.

Remember, you are one who is in control of and designing how you show up in life and in love

As always, feel free to share your thoughts and experiences!

Related Posts:
• Manifesting the Love of Your Life
• Energy Flows…Watch Where it Goes
• Body Awareness = Conscious Eating
• Nurturing Life - A Mother’s Day Meditation
• Experiments in Manifesting

As a coach, I spend a lot of time working with the value systems of my clients. In fact, it is one of the areas that I will first search for incongruencies that leak and dilute their personal power and prevent them from showing up fully in their lives.

Many clients have ideas about what they want in life and can’t figure out why they are not creating it.

What a client creates can be looked at as a reflection of the connection or lack of connection that they are currently experiencing with their values system. Within the dance of this system is a call to deeply and truly connect with and honor themselves.

For this reason, we have to get honest with ourselves about what is really important to us, and honor it, in order to get what we want in life. When we get clear about ourselves internally, we are ready to shift our external experience.

Image Credit

What Do You Value?

In order to find out what my clients value I have them do an exercise with index cards. I ask them to think about what is really really, important to them, and why it’s important. I then have them write these things on the front of the cards.

On the back of the cards I have them list all of the ways that they support these things with their time, money and energy.

Because much of what we do is unconscious, most people will find that there are areas in life that are really important to them that are not supported by their actions. I like to think of this in terms of voting.

Determining How You Vote

Because time and money equal energy, writing down how you support your values is a really clear way to see what level of alignment you currently have with the forces that drive you in life and where to make shifts that can bring you closer.

For example let’s say that you live in an artsy town and you just love the fact that you are surrounded by creative people because one of your values is to experience unique and beautiful things because this helps you be present to life.

If every time you buy something for your home, you find yourself in Ikea instead of the beautiful little artisan shops in your town, then you probably aren’t voting very consciously toward this value

At this point you can examine the energy behind the thoughts and impulses that led you to put your time and money into Ikea.

The Nature of the Thoughts Surrounding the Activity

In the above scenario we could imagine a thought of going to look for a few items for one’s living room, which then triggers an unconscious reaction which results with the idea of Ikea popping into your head and off you go without further examination. What happened to the value? Why did it never come into play?

Values take conscious awareness to implement and align with. In the above example, I used a value that is often brow-beaten by our unconscious alignment with our societies thought pattern of getting the best possible deal.

When I examine my own thought processes of getting a great deal, I notice a huge undertone of lack. Personally, that’s not the energy I want to put out in the world. This kind of unconscious motivation puts an invisible wall up between me and what I want to experience.

Using Body Wisdom to Determine What’s Most Important to Experience

For many people values are vague concepts floating around in their heads in a way that is disconnected from their experience. Often times they are not yet living their values because they haven’t learned to bring them into their bodies and therefore into their physical experience.

When you place your values inside of your body, you can access them environmentally, in this way you can feel where you are voting with your time and energy and whether or not you are honoring yourself with your actions.

When I place the energy of getting a good deal in my body as my primary motivation, I feel a bit sick in my stomach. When I place the energy of choosing to work with companies with an eye out for the whole as well as themselves, I feel a deep sense of rooted power.

My body will tell me which is the correct action for me. Now to clarify, I’m not saying to completely ignore price, I am only saying to examine the order in which you structure what is important, in other words, to determine which should come first.

Aligning Your Business with Your Values

When I first became aware of some of the unconscious processes that ran automatically in the background when I would search for products and services for my business, I was literally startled by what I found. I instantly made the decision to restructure my business to honor my values and I thought perhaps you might like to join me.

Here is what is on my list to do:

1. Find a hosting company that runs on solar energy
2. Use a credit card processor that gives 10% of their proceeds back to the environment
3. Produce business products, recordings and books on post consumer recycled paper and pop bottles
4. Use a financial institution who works with small companies that want to positively impact the world

Putting it in Action

When the main thrust of my energy enters the world from within my values, it makes a huge difference in how I honor myself and others.

If you would like to experiment similarly, and are searching for an easy way to find conscious businesses with which to partner, I suggest looking in the Co-Op America’s National Green Pages for the services you need.

Related Posts:
• The End of the Course: The Birth of a Coach
• Four Levels of Consciousness
• Free Spirit Guide Meditation
• The Awakening Consciousness of Business
• The Future of Medicine

Image Credit

A Rose By Any Other Name

I’ve written this article for those who would like to bring a little more love in their lives. If you are at a place where you want to find someone of like mind and heart to spend a little bit of time with, this article is for you.

Love and the Law of Attraction

Before I met my husband I had a list of criteria I wanted in a romantic partner. I wasn’t even interested in dating someone that didn’t meet these requirements. When dating a new person I always had what I was looking for in mind, and if I didn’t see enough matches early on I moved on to someone else. Although I never realized it, I was using the law of attraction to find what I wanted.

I had dated enough to have a list of areas that I was really clear on…and I was a complete and total match for getting it partially because I would accept nothing less and partially because my beliefs were congruent with what I wanted.

The Love List

To begin getting clear on what you want in a romantic partner, compile a list of attributes that are a “must have” for you, in that special someone. Write down everything that comes to mind and then go into detail as to why specifically it matters, what your person having that will get for you and what makes it a must have. When you’ve finished your list, the next step is to find out if you are a vibrational match for what you want.

The Vibration Revelation

Many of us think we know how we feel about love, what we want and how to get it, however I am guessing that most of know less than we think. A love relationship is an old subject even for the very young among us as it is one of the very first relationships that we experience.

As a child growing up we form ideas about love, what it means, what it will get for us and how to get it by watching the interaction of those around us…the conclusions we come to become deeply embedded within us, operating below the level of our conscious thought.

Are you curious about the beliefs you have lurking under the surface within your deeper mind? Are you wondering what is driving your patterns, attracting you to the same type of man/woman and influencing the kinds of relationships you bring into your life?

If so, answering the following questions will reveal how you really think about love and provide a window into how congruent your thoughts are in this most important area of life.

Comparing the outcomes of these questions with the attributes you’re looking for in a partner with give you a good idea if you are a vibrational match for what it is that you want.

So what if you’re not a match for what you want? I’ll cover that in part two of Manifesting the Love of Your Life.

Uncovering How You Think About Love

Fill in the Blank

People in love are _________

Love makes people_________

I’d have love if_____________

My dad thought love was__________

My mom always thought love would__________

In my family love caused_______________

Love equals_______________

If I had love I’d_____________

If I could have love it would___________

Love is not___________

I’m afraid if I had love I would____________

Love is________________

Love causes______________

In order to be loved I need to______________

When I’m in love I usually_______________

If I could love freely I’d_____________

People think love__________________

When someone is single it tells me that_________________

People are single because________________

People become loved by_______________

Single people are____________________

Married people are__________________

When I was a kid I knew which kid’s parents were married and which were divorced. I was the kid of __________ parents and this had the following affects on my thoughts about relationships_________________.

This article was featured in:

Total Mind and Body Fitness Carnival
The Second Edition of the Carnival of Improving Life

Related Posts:
• Nurturing Life - A Mother’s Day Meditation
• She’s Too Much
• Free Spirit Guide Meditation
• Trust the Process
• Messages Through Time: Part 2

The power of…

Image Credit

In this article I’d like to explore a very powerful technique for stimulating motion when we find ourselves stuck within our patterns and some of the most common patterns I encounter as a spiritual explorer and coach. I think by the end of the article you will agree that a little re-framing…really can make a world of difference .

Three Easy Ways to Get Stuck:

Having All the Answers. It’s easy in the personal development world to fall into the trap of thinking you have to have all of the answers. I am constantly reminding myself that I am a learner and that learning and exploring is what I am here to do. Acquiring experience is simply a consequence of this fact.

We can get used to knowing so much that we begin to expect that this will always be the case and can get quite flustered when we find ourselves in a situation in which we feel a little lost. It’s the expectation we have of ourselves and the meaning that we attach to it, that puts us in this unresourceful state.

If I feel like I should already know everything, than I’m likely not to seek new experiences or learnings and those situations are likely to cause me a great deal of discomfort.

To give myself a new way of being with or experiencing learning I might re-frame my expectation with the words, I’m not lost I’m exploring or a true master is an eternal student.

Putting too Much Emphasis on the End Result. When you make plans to achieve goals, are you only concerned with the end result? Is every step you take to get there simply a means toward that end? Are you concerned with the quality of what you do or with what you think doing it will get for you?

If everything I do is simply to get me to someplace else than I’m not actually living my current life but instead I’ve empowered a future one that is linked with a very specific chain of events as my key to happiness…and what happens to me if that outcome never comes about. What if I did a really good job, my absolute best and it doesn’t happen? Do I somehow feel I fell short and failed? What is failure and success and how would I want to ideally define it?

Something that my Spirit has really been adamant about lately is teaching me where to place my energy in life. In the view of Spirit the outcome doesn’t matter at all because the only thing that exists is the present. If you are focused ahead you are not in the place where you actually have any power which is right now.

The place from which you make your decisions and function in the present is where you have the most control over any outcome. Often when you get this right, the outer world just lines up behind it…but even if it doesn’t, you will not be affected in the same way because your emphasis was on the form of your approach and the state from which you took action, not in the action itself. This is the place where you can fully control your own success.

Re-frame: The “how” is more important that the “what”.

Rules for Victories. Do you have a lot of rules in your life? Do you have a lot of desires? Are you the kind of person that really gets a lot of what you want but will only be happy if you get what you want exactly how you wanted it? Are your rules getting in the way of the joy you experience in life?

When we surround ourselves with complex rules we ensure that we will never have a reason to celebrate. In fact, one could say that we design the joy right out of our existence by putting so much of our energy on our systems of rules and regulations that we don’t have any left for the happiness that we think these rules will buy us. By allowing ourselves some flexibility, we can awaken with gratitude to the abundance available to us within the life that we are already living.

Re-frame: I get what I want in new and surprising ways.

Re-Framing Life Experiences

I’m not lost…I’m exploring, is a classic re-frame of something that most of us would consider an uncomfortable if not unpleasant experience.

Some time ago many people referred to me as impatient because of my strong desire to immediately experience anything I was excited about. I took that to heart and began to view myself through the lens of this word as well, until one day a friend heard me describe myself in this way and said, “You’re not impatient…you’re just enthusiastic and excited.”

The minute I heard it I knew it was true. I was really enthusiastic and my energy would come through so strongly that I literally bounced and hummed with it. From that time on I never again called myself impatient and now no one else does either.

Truth is, once I started labeling myself differently, I developed very quickly a new way of being with my own excitement that was much more fulfilling.

We can easily program in the beliefs and habits of our fathers, mothers, peers, etc. and carry the voices of their world views around with us for all of our lives if we choose…or we can question those voices and take up the challenge to provide ourselves and others with a more compelling vocabulary through which to view and interpret the world around us.

What kind of world would it be if all that we judged as being wrong in ourselves and others was offered back to us with positive re-frame?

Related Posts:
• The Value of a Song
• An Interview with Historical Medium Vera Nadine
• Gotta Question? Ask Your Body…
• The Benefits of Conscious Trance
• Choosing the Way You Heal

Are you in your own way?

Whether you’re developing spiritually, psychically or pursuing some other kind of self improvement you will of course encounter yourself…and your success will hinge on whether or not you can let the totality act through you and get out of your own way. If you have a strong ego the answer is…probably not until you learn to get over yourself.

The story of who you are is usually not who you want to be.

Most of us walk around with a story. This is the story of who we are. Then there is another story…the story of who we want to be. Most of have trouble believing the story of who we want to be because of the discomfort caused by who we think we are presently and an unwillingness or inability to face our own thoughts and beliefs about ourselves. This is the highest challenge that the ego presents. So how do you get around this?

Get over yourself!

Get over yourself…what does that mean? It means that the real story lies in creating a new you in this moment, right now. Nothing exists outside of this moment. So whether you use this moment to dwell on the story of who you’ve been in the past or who you want to be in the future you are still missing the mark and you are still in your own way. When you get over yourself you let both of those stories go…and create right now in this moment a new way of relating to yourself.

Be kind to yourself.

The way you relate to yourself will be reflected in your relationship with others and ulitmatly with life. One way to break down long term beleifs about your own worth and many fears and insecurities is by being super kind to yourself. Allow for your needs, work and play in ways that acknowledge and accept them. Give yourself and body care. Make time for you. By doing this you open yourself to the good available in the world. It will change the way you feel about yourself and everyone else. When we allow loving acceptance of ourselves for just being us instead of having to pass some worthiness test we’ve invented to keep us feeling bad and in essence in the grip of the ego, the ego lessens in strength and we become more receptive to our true relationship with life.

Getting in the way of your own spiritual/psychic development.

Growing spiritually and or psychically definitely requires you to develop a new relationship with yourself if you want to go very far. To receive, you have to become a vessel, which means you are relatively empty of content. In this sense content is the story of your self. In order to receive psychic or spiritual information you have to be able to temporary get out of your own way…becoming one with the totality of all that is.

But what happens when you come back? This is the perfect opportunity for the story to come in and operate through the information you received. Can you separate what you received from your own thoughts and judgments about it? Can you learn to deliver the message without getting in your own way?

Of course you can, all it takes is a deep awareness of your own internal landscape. This allows you to be true to the information, to see when your ego is in operation and to know it for what it is…a story, a fear, an insecurity, a sense of feeling small, etc. Which really only reflects a belief in separation and a need to re-connect. At this point you re-connect before making your delivery…another method is to allow for your own opinions but to make the distinction between inner commentary and the actuality of what you received. This means your awareness has returned and you are seeing your own internal processes clearly.

The paradox of thinking you are the center of the universe verses being the center of the universe.

When we are stuck in our personality or our ego we think we are the center of the universe but we don’t know it and we can’t feel it, so we need constant reassurance of it through the world. This is direct evidence that we may think it but we don’t believe it, in fact we are afraid we are wrong. In this state we attempt to prove our way out of fear through substance…any kind of substance will do; success, achievements, money, sex, food, drugs, things…we become collectors, driven to accumulate…and stuff ourselves full of whatever we can to escape the uncomfortable feeling of underlying fear…but here’s the paradox.

You can’t feel it because you believe you are not it! You believe you are small and insignificant because you believe you are separate from God. If you can get underneath the thinking, the beliefs and the story of who you think you are…you will discover that you really are the center of the universe because you are an inseparable part of it. Once you know that, feel it and comprehend this truth…you understand that you have access to all that was ever created, is currently in existence and all that ever will be created. From that place there is no lack…there is nothing but fulfillment…no reassurance required!

This is getting over yourself, over who you think you are and getting into the real you

Related Posts:

As we approach the summer months in which there are so many parties and birthdays I thought it appropriate to write a post about celebrating others. How do you celebrate the people in your life? Do you throw parties, buy gifts or do you put a lot of energy toward creating things they enjoy?

Many times we get so caught up in the what that we forget about the how…

Choose Your State of Consciousness Before You Choose Your Gift

What you do to celebrate others is not as important as the state of consciousness you use to design the experience. For some people it may be a gift that pops out at you as you’re shopping, for others it could be making their favorite dish, playing their favorite games or engaging in their favorite activities. Your gift will be most effective (for both giver and receiver) if your choice revolves around a connection with joy.

Take my happy-homebody husband, for example. He loves being at home and immensely enjoys the house and yard. He is happiest experiencing a phenomenal meal, playing video games, watching a movie, working out at the gym and exploring interesting places that are sure to offer comforts of luxury, fun or natural beauty. He loves technology so this kind of thing always makes for a good gift but most often he needs to obtain these things for himself, so I tend to take a different approach.

On the special days in which I celebrate my husband it is all about service. I make two of his favorite meals, which due to their complexity are not served regularly and top things off with one of his favorite desserts. Enjoying every moment of the day becomes our meditation, so we spend our time languidly doing what he loves most and this never fails to bring on an exceptionally good mood with lasting effects. What I’ve come to realize from performing this simple ritual of celebration is that I determine the value of my giving by consciously creating my experience.

Methods of Celebrating

I choose to celebrate my husband in this manner because it is what most effectively connects him with joy but as with any gift-giving the full potential is not realized unless I connect as well. I could easily make this a chore and stress myself out over all the demands on my time; but instead, when I make the choice to give someone else my attention for the day, I surrender to it and I will think of nothing else.

My mission is to serve lovingly, so I pull the joy and love that is readily available in the universe, up into myself, and channel it through my activities…becoming a vehicle for the Source energy that is always flowing to enter the lives of others, through me. I do the same when celebrating someone with a gift.

When buying a gift for another person I hold them in my heart, raise my vibration and then flood my mental image of this person with Source energy. In that state of joy I choose a gift that resonates with the vibration I am getting for them. Sometimes I will get a scene playing out in my mind, for example last Christmas I walked by a hat in Wilson’s Leather and saw my father-in-law clearly on a hiking trail wearing it. Needless to say I purchased it and in one of those moments of synchronicity (I absolutely refuse to consider price-tags when I find an obvious energy match) the salesman happily announced that the hat was reduced in price, making the purchase less than half of what was marked on the sales tag…good thing I wasn’t terribly concerned or I never would have brought it up to the register to begin with

Obstacles or Opportunities?

Of course things do not always go with such synchronicity. Sometimes when you’re out looking for a gift the things that seem right are not available. This can cause a lot of stress if you become fixated on the outcome instead of paying attention to the process. What is life trying to tell me with this situation? Is a question you can ask at these times. Do not buy into the poverty consciousness that chants… that was your last chance at finding a suitable gift! Try to be fluid, flexible and know that when one door closes another opens.

In this abundant world there is no way that was your last chance! Anytime this has ever happened to me and I decided to focus on the opportunity hidden in the situation instead of the obstacle, it has always worked out effortlessly and the gift has been very well received. In fact, the usual response of the recipient has been one of surprised want and need - of course I had no idea if they had any interest at all in the item…I was merely following the energy

The trick lies in focusing your attention on where the energy flow is presenting itself and looking at the walls as signposts that are saying don’t go this way. You can then be grateful for the obstacles and the direction they are providing for you, knowing that you will be led to a solution that feels good and is an energy match to your state of consciousness. We attract what we give attention to…by focusing our intentions on our energy connections with the universe we can answer each others prayers…our generosity then becomes a divinely appointed extension of light and love!

Related Posts:

Spiritual Bonding

The bond that develops with a spiritual teacher is a strong one. These light-holders of the universe mirror to us the light of our own consciousness, take us by the hand and show us the way through the thick overgrown forests of our egos and lead us toward feeling the spirit, that has been up till then, at best…a mental concept in our heads.

It is natural to become deeply attached to your spiritual mentor, to trust their judgement and assessment over your own and to come to rely upon them for your spiritual connection. This is usually a necessity in the beginning when our connections with our own consciousness are deeply buried within our egos, when we can’t feel our own oneness with all of creation and when we can’t yet hear the voice of our own inner wisdom.

Through universal oneness…someone who is deeply conscious brings consciousness to those they are in close contact with. This is the burning log that can ignite the wood that is as of yet untouched by spiritual fire. But keep in mind that the purpose of this relationship is to get your own fire started. There will come a time when you will have to rely upon yourself or you will stunt your own growth. At this point your relationship with your spiritual teacher may not end but it will definitely change.

Moving from Student to Practitioner

The time to move on will present itself in your ability to handle your own issues. This will usually first happen in the circumstances when your teacher is not available for whatever reason and you are left with no choice but to work it out. When you become increasingly adept at this…your own readiness is presenting itself and it’s time to start seriously listening to the still small voice within and to seek it out before you approach your spiritual mentor.

When you do seek your own wisdom do you:

feel the same sense of relief that you experience with your teacher?
are you able to achieve the same level of connectedness?
find that things are working themselves out with little or no effort on your part aside of taking charge of your state of consciousness?
find that you need to talk to you mentor less and less?
find yourself capable of being motivated to explore spiritually on your own…independent of your spiritual teacher?

If you can answer yes to these questions then you may have to soon accept that it is time to move on.

Accepting the Change

It’s very possible that you can and will remain very close to your mentor…but also you may move in different directions. This can be a difficult transition to make due to the close bond you’ve developed but whether or not it is helpful to continue contact is a very personal decision; one that is made by both student and teacher.

Sometimes, each finds they need the space that opens up to continue their spiritual work; in which case they will have very little contact with one another. Other times they find that they can now mentor each other and develop a wonderful relationship in which they move fully into supporting each other’s spiritual growth.

However it goes…it is important to hold your mentor in your heart…flood them with your consciousness…and then let go. What arises out of this process will be exactly what you need to grow!

Related Posts:
• Openess Determines Perspective
• Teachers and Guides: The Good, The Bad & The Ugly
• Animals and Pets: Powerful Teachers, Healers and Guides
• Messages Through Time: Part 2
• The End of Form

The Situation

So you are trying to connect with someone who is hard to get a hold of…you’ve emailed and called…left funny or challenging messages and used all the charm of your personality to no avail. If you’re a seven on the enneagram, this is personal; nothing drives a seven more nuts than unresponsiveness…it is something that can neither be understood nor accepted by this personality type because for them, responsiveness is a need.

Reacting to an Unmet Need

Unresponsiveness triggers an inborn fear that materializes as an anxious internal disruption that most sevens try hard to escape. The emotional roller coaster ride that follows usually starts off small and unassuming; a sort of petulant brooding over the situation which soon turns upbeat because of the seven’s innate sense of optimism which is largely motivated by an…of course it has nothing to do with me…line of thinking. What few people realize (most sevens included) is that the real fear revolves around the feeling that it has everything to do with them and that they have somehow misstepped and will now be punished for the infraction. Punishment for the seven includes missing out, not being able to get enough and being stuck.

Hiding the Fear

In an attempt to make the feelings of insecurity subside most sevens will go into overdrive and will literally beg to be noticed through a flood of correspondence, that can range from once a week to many times a day…just in case the unresponsive individual has forgotten or is perhaps unaware of the needed contact . While this persistence encourages most people to figure out it is far less troubling to talk to a seven and get it over with the real drive behind it is to give the seven an opportunity to fix the situation thereby abating the basic fear. If this behavior does not yield results however, then it doesn’t make the seven feel any better. In fact, it then becomes annoying because it causes a self-consciousness to rise within the seven. They become acutely aware of the mania and the driving need for attention that is a critical part of most everything they do.

Denial

They then move on to convincing themselves that they are not being avoided, they haven’t made a mistake…the unresponsive person is just really busy…and yes…maybe also a bit rude. Sulkily they begin to think about how rarely they are ignored and are now fondly recalling how many of their friends dutifully check in with them every week.

Avoiding Pain

Although it is difficult and it saddens them to think about it…they consider writing this endeavor off entirely because they just can’t stand the current discomfort and pain they experiencing while engaging in this situation (sevens will of course develop a case of selective memory when the above mentioned unresponsive person finally does call and of course they will have forgotten all about the whole severing the ties idea ).

If what I’ve just described to you sounds absolutely crazy then you probably don’t need to read any further but if this sounds familiar (as in you yourself have been through this or it sounds like someone you know then read on).

What to do?

The above scenario describes a typical seven response to the trigger of their basic fear. Sevens characteristically react by doing…often manic doing. Doing something is far better than paying attention to the way they feel so they attempt to outrun their feelings by ‘fixing’ the situation so that it feeds their needs and they no longer have to experience the fear. This however, does not encourage their growth…only their dependence on doing is strengthened.

The Wake-Up Call

For a seven a good wake up call in the above scenario would be take a moment to think about all the people who ARE in regular contact with them and DO want to talk… and then to start noticing how little of their attention is actually going toward these people (THE PEOPLE WHO WANT THE CONTACT). Following the trail of attention, take a serious look at the enormous amounts of energy being sent out toward the one person who is unresponsive.

The Farmer Parable

Question yourself about the logic of this, if a farmer had two fields one in which everything he planted grew effortlessly and one which he had to toil for even the smallest results where would he spend most of his time? If the farmer is the seven in the above scenario he is working in the wrong field.

Using the Law of Attraction

The law of attraction states that you get what you think about you. The farmer working in the barren field is always only thinking about the fact that there isn’t enough…when he has another field within easy reach that he could spend his time in and in that field there is plenty.

If you are focused on a need from a place of lack…you are sending the message of not enough to the universe and so your fears come to pass because you are focused on what you don’t want and you are feeling what you don’t want. The very behavior a seven exhibits in reaction to a fear is the manic behavior that could actually damage the relationship and allow the fear to manifest into the seven’s reality. If the seven can relax, allow the feelings to sink in…and let go of trying to make a relationship happen something amazing will occur.

I’m Still O.K.

When a seven sticks it out through their feelings and allows themselves to be present and fully experience their fears…they begin to realize that though it was uncomfortable…nothing really terrible happened and they are of course, still here and o.k. The thing they thought they needed to experience or have in order to be o.k. (their people, opportunities, experiences or acquisitions) did not come through for them yet…the sky did not fall and life has not changed all that much. Through these sorts of experiences a seven gains the insight that their basic fears are really just mental phantoms…although it takes some practice to step out of the knee-jerk reaction to fear they have developed over the course of their lives, they begin to become more aware of themselves and heed the wake-up calls that alert them to an opportunity to change the patterns that have ruled them for so long.

Ironically sevens desire to be happy, content and fulfilled…most of what they do is an attempt to gain these things yet they get lost in the doing. When they are able to regain being, the natural fulfillment of that state touches them and the simple pleasures of existing arise into their experience creating a happiness like no other.

Related Posts:
• About Power
• Facing Challenges
• Conscious Dreaming
• The Guardians at the Gate
• Energy Flows…Watch Where it Goes

Starting the Day

Sebastian, my six year old son stops suddenly while putting on his shoes and says, “Maybe Mrs. Visaya (his first grade teacher) wants to be famous.” I pause a moment while tying his shoes to say, “What makes you think that?” He responds confidently, “She put blue ribbons on everyone’s folders!” “Ah,” I say, leaning back with my hands on my knees, “Then she’s famous already.” He smiles, puts his jacket on and heads off to catch the bus.

Just a few weeks ago the morning scene was very different. Sebastian did NOT like school. He talked endlessly about home schooling and that people were mean to him. We had several meetings with the teacher, she was not seeing anything unusual. Sebastian said most of the difficulty was on the playground so the recess teachers were alerted and a system was developed for him to report any difficulties. He developed confidence that he could get help if he needed it, so that made him feel a little better, however his attitude did not change much…he still didn’t want to go. The teachers were reporting that all was well, Sebastian himself had little to complain about but still felt the school was an unfriendly place.

The Epiphany

I talked with some of the other children at the bus stop that are in the same class and asked how they felt about school. They reported no problems with any of the children…no issues at all. Strange I thought…that these two experiences co-exist, or is it? Sebastian had moved to this school in October and as of yet had not made any friends. The lack of connection gave every little interaction a negative, unfriendly feel. The absence of friends was being reflected back in his school experience. Realizing that he needed to make friends, I tried asking him to pick one child at lunch time and ask them to play at recess.

The Bus Stop

Sebastian agreed to try it and got on the bus. As the bus pulled away…a neighbor who had literally just moved in flagged it down, it stopped and her son got on. Watching her son, I clearly saw Sebastian reflected in the hunched shoulders and unhappy walk…my feet were moving in her direction before my mind had decided to go. The bus pulled away and I introduced myself and asked what grade her son was in. She said Scott was in first grade and had not wanted to go to school that morning. We proceeded to have a conversation about our boys, how they both needed a friend and decided to get them together after school that day.

A Lunch of Importance

When Sebastian got off the bus that afternoon he excitedly told me he had lunch with another boy who asked HIM to PLAY. This to my knowledge was the first time he hadn’t played by himself at recess since he started school. They played a game of Star Wars. I smiled, the opening process had begun and he absolutely beamed with it.

The Big Meeting

While I was waiting for Sebastian to get off the bus, Scott’s mom came to join us. (The synchronicities of this meeting fill me with wonder and remind me how the universe responds to our needs as I would later come to find out that Rebecca also has a three year old daughter, works at Boeing just like my husband, loves the trails in our neighborhood just like we do and her husband’s family is from the same area as my husband’s…in fact my husband went to High School with his cousins!)

We introduced the boys and walked down to my house where they played outside for awhile. Scott’s mom was almost in tears, she said it was the first time she had seen him smile in a week. The boys instantly liked each other, when playtime was over they said goodbye and Sebastian looked forward to riding the bus with Scott the next day. Over the following week they met each other on the playground, rode to and from school together and have played the Xbox 360 at our house. Sebastian has an entirely different perspective of school now that he has a friend. One day I asked if he still wanted to home school and he said, “Not so much anymore, but thanks for asking Mom.” I smiled, knowing that he now felt connected to his school and home community. Often times we don’t realize how important our connectedness is and how when we lose our sense of it…it’s harder to open ourselves to good.

Opening

When we open ourselves up, good things can flow into us. Whatever we are feeling will often determine our perspective and result in our picture of reality. We determine whether that reality is something we enjoy or don’t by what we choose to focus on. When we focus on absence or loss…we don’t feel good and then our reality takes on a negative tone but when we focus on enjoyment and take some action to make a change…we open ourselves to the available good which is always waiting to manifest.

Related Posts:
• The Raffle
• Getting Clear with the Elements
• Blessings and Rainbows
• Depression: A Spiritual Awakening
• A Vibrational Shift and the Encounter with the One-Horned Beast

Always Tired

In the not-so-long ago past I was working with a Southern Gospel group who also happened to be good friends of mine. They felt God was calling them to go into full-time ministry and wanted to make a change in their lives…so they hired me. One of the lead singers used to be my boss…I’d watched him labor (as his only employee) to run an entire business by himself for someone else. He scarcely had time for his family often working 70+ hours per week. The job he had was safe and wrong and I had wanted to see him out of it ever since we became good friends. So when he approached me to do booking from at home for his group I had already decided that they would succeed. I had heard the CD, knew where their passion was and had determined that I would open the doors necessary to get them living another way.

At this time in my life I knew very little about how energy flows, or the abundance of the universe. All I knew was this had to happen…and I had to do it. This task consumed my mind 24 hours a day, seven days a week for over two years. I poured myself, my energy, my mind, my time, my heart and my emotions into creating this alternative. It was literally like giving birth and when they got signed to a label I had never before in my life been so tired. I didn’t understand until much later that I was literally throwing energy out into this process, stealing my life force and lending toward grasping the immaterial and dragging it kicking and screaming into the material…problem was, I didn’t know how to recharge. I just gave and gave. Eventually it had to stop…and so it did. But it was another almost 2 years before I figured out what had happened.

Harnessing Attention

One of the first things I needed to learn was how to focus. I would mentally do donuts on the beach regarding what I wanted to happen, or the opportunities I was working on, going over and over every little detail like a mantra…I would see what I wanted mentally but underneath I often carried the fear that it wouldn’t happen and the anxiety that I was not doing enough. So on the little things I would be full of self-sabotage but I never loss sight of the big things. Daily I envisioned the group in front of people, connecting with audiences and doing what was in their hearts to do. The image was so strong I could see it, feel it and knew in the core of my being that was where they were going, when I would get so full of anxiety that I couldn’t take it anymore, I would spend time in this larger place…and this is the reason that it worked at all. Focusing and training your mind toward abundance requires that you can:

The Law of Attraction

The reason that I was able to help my friends create a new life…in a way in which many people in their industry said could not be done…is the law of attraction, which simply put…means you get what you think about. If you can imagine it, feel it and make it real mentally…then it comes to you because you emanate a complimentary energy which ATTRACTS your desires. Many of us have self-sabotaging habits such as worry and anxiety that can instead get us emanating an energy that compliments the things we are worried about. In my case, the knowing was stronger than the sabotage…so it worked out…it worked out fast and everything fell into place in a way beyond the ability of the individuals involved. The constant energy battle I engaged in at this time however, left me tired. I was exhausted from the effort and it took many months and several years to understand how I lost energy and why the experience didn’t feel good much of the time.

Energy

As a seven on the enneagram, I worked very hard to pull things into manifestation to stave off my basic fear of being stuck in an unpleasant, unwanted or otherwise painful situation. I was always outrunning this fear and sending enormous amounts of energy out of myself as a kind of crucifix that I used to ward off the evils lurking in the darkness of my personality that I had not yet confronted. I had not learned to pick and choose where I put my energy. My mind would race and my energy would follow…extremely scattered it flew out by the fistfuls toward every imagined want that passed my thoughts. For a seven, there are fifty-million little desires a day that are pleasant distractions…if you want to have any effect on even one of them…you have to learn to consciously ‘place’ your energy instead of letting it follow every little desire.

Making Time for Visualization

As I gained in health I started setting time aside to visualize my desires. At first this was not easy…I had so many it was hard to choose and my mind just could not provide me with any answers in this regard which would trigger the fear of ‘missing out’ on something. So I learned to start with a meditation that would quiet my mind. Once all the stuff that had been flying around in there was out, I was able to obtain a state of contentment…pure gold for a seven! From there, it was easy to see how much of what I thought I wanted I already had, or was unnecessary…so prioritizing what to spend my time manifesting got a lot easier. Now I spend time visualizing not so much to manifest but to bring into myself…the abundance that is all around me…everywhere I look. This makes me literally hum with joyful energy…so I sure don’t have to be concerned with what I’m attracting!

Learning to Recharge

Pulling energy out of yourself is unhealthy…especially if you have not yet learned how to recharge. In order to fill up, you have to open up. This may sound backwards…but this is how it works. You have to drop everything, your fears, your wants, your desires, your social roles and supposed-to-bes…you enter naked…just as you truly are…open to the love that is God. Opening up requires a level of comfort and safety so it is no wonder that it takes some practice. A meditation that you are comfortable with will work just fine as a starting place. Start with the meditation and then visualize yourself filling up with radiant light with every deep inhalation you take. Glow, reverberate with it. The light rushes into you from the sun, the trees, the earth beneath you, the stars and moon of the night sky…it comes from everywhere at once…filling you with comfort, joy and love. This is a great way to recharge and open up. Eventually, when you become adept at pulling energy into yourself…you’ll begin this practice before you work on manifesting your desires into your life. This way the energy you use to manifest is not coming only from you…and you can fill up again at any time. This makes the work of manifesting go with lightness and ease and this by far, is the biggest lesson I learned from my experience in music industry. It doesn’t have to be hard and difficult. Once you understand energy, the law of attraction and how to manifest…you can do so with ease.

Related Posts:
• Changing the State of Confusion
• Openess Determines Perspective
• Facing Challenges
• Trust the Process
• Re-Write Your Story