Playground of the Mind

I’ve recently discovered that dreams can be a wonderful window into my dominant thoughts, vibrations, fears and the dark parts of myself that I have not yet faced. Such an experience occurred not too long ago when I fell asleep after contemplating the idea that whatever I am creating may show up in my dreams and that if I start paying attention I can more consciously direct the experiences I want to flow into my life. The very night I thought this I had a vivid dream, accompanied by strong emotions that played out a drama for me while I slept. The characters were people that in real life I’ve had difficult and bumpy relationship with and in the dream…as in my real life situations with them…they taught me far more about myself than much of my solitary work has revealed.

The Difficult Dream

I am sitting down, having what feels like an intimate, open conversation. The conversation is about another person whom I will call Dream Character A. I feel very comfortable, at ease and under control. It changes in a flash as the normal person I am conversing with (Dream Character B) turns into something that more deeply resembles a Star Wars Dark Lord of the Sith. The facial expressions change, even the body movements become strangely fluid… almost serpentine and like a true Sith Lord, Character B, knows too much about my past thoughts and motives and present concern and desire to help Character A. This specter was the gatekeeper and plainly stated that it was in charge of the situation…and that I was helpless to make any changes. My emotional state slowly ran the gambit from disbelief and shock, to anger and then finally to a place of power. I literally leap onto it, pin it and say, “Do what you must, but know this…I won’t allow you to hurt anyone.” Confronted by me, in this state of power this demon shrinks to something so non-threatening that I immediately release it…and then I awaken.

Interpreting the Message

There were many messages in the above dream. My dream state was reflecting back some unprocessed ideas that were lurking in places my waking mind was unaware of. I had done a lot of work processing my feelings regarding dream Character A, but didn’t even realize I had anything to process with dream Character B. A few things that I understood immediately was that in many ways, I was not dealing with these real individuals…they were used by my mind as appropriate representations but I was really dealing with myself…my own dark places, my own fear, my own selfishness, etc.

Integration

The following night I performed visualizations in which all the mistrust and negative feelings I had toward Dream Character B flowed out of me and into a cleansing stream which purified it and carried it away…emptied of all my feelings I was open to love. I then visualized Dream Character B as an open, loving person, someone whom I trusted completely and enjoyed. Once I had obtained a state of love and joy toward Dream Character B, I was able to face and accept that dark aspect of myself and be grateful for its message. The next day I awoke from the most wonderful dream.

I was having lunch with a very dear friend whom in real life has been very close to a spiritual teacher to me. He absolutely beamed with power and spirit. He told me, with absolute confidence, serenity and joy…and even a glint of boyish mischief that he was “retiring”. The smile on his face told me that was far from the truth but he was following his passion and the call of his spirit, he was becoming even more involved in his community, in life and of course…it was not work at all. Even more fascinating was how he was completely controlling his schedule with lightness and ease. He was spending more time doing inspiring things than he did paperwork or anything else and of course it was all lining up as if he called it down from the heavens. He was the ultimate teacher…the Merlin archetype…completely at ease…knowing just what to do…and taking time to enjoy whatever he set his hand to.

It is no wonder that this dream should come directly on the heels of the first. Having paid attention to the messages of the first dream and worked through them I was offered a picture of where this new work was headed. The feeling I was left from this dream was one of absolute trust in the path. I know that my friend appeared as the “teacher” aspect of myself. Showing me what I’ve been manifesting…and encouraging my work and growth. He offered me a picture of where I can go and what it feels like.

A conscious dreamer views their dreams as an opportunity to alter the course of their waking experience and as a way of communicating with their deepest self.

For another example of conscious or lucid dreaming, check out this post from Erin Pavlina.

Starting the Day

Sebastian, my six year old son stops suddenly while putting on his shoes and says, “Maybe Mrs. Visaya (his first grade teacher) wants to be famous.” I pause a moment while tying his shoes to say, “What makes you think that?” He responds confidently, “She put blue ribbons on everyone’s folders!” “Ah,” I say, leaning back with my hands on my knees, “Then she’s famous already.” He smiles, puts his jacket on and heads off to catch the bus.

Just a few weeks ago the morning scene was very different. Sebastian did NOT like school. He talked endlessly about home schooling and that people were mean to him. We had several meetings with the teacher, she was not seeing anything unusual. Sebastian said most of the difficulty was on the playground so the recess teachers were alerted and a system was developed for him to report any difficulties. He developed confidence that he could get help if he needed it, so that made him feel a little better, however his attitude did not change much…he still didn’t want to go. The teachers were reporting that all was well, Sebastian himself had little to complain about but still felt the school was an unfriendly place.

The Epiphany

I talked with some of the other children at the bus stop that are in the same class and asked how they felt about school. They reported no problems with any of the children…no issues at all. Strange I thought…that these two experiences co-exist, or is it? Sebastian had moved to this school in October and as of yet had not made any friends. The lack of connection gave every little interaction a negative, unfriendly feel. The absence of friends was being reflected back in his school experience. Realizing that he needed to make friends, I tried asking him to pick one child at lunch time and ask them to play at recess.

The Bus Stop

Sebastian agreed to try it and got on the bus. As the bus pulled away…a neighbor who had literally just moved in flagged it down, it stopped and her son got on. Watching her son, I clearly saw Sebastian reflected in the hunched shoulders and unhappy walk…my feet were moving in her direction before my mind had decided to go. The bus pulled away and I introduced myself and asked what grade her son was in. She said Scott was in first grade and had not wanted to go to school that morning. We proceeded to have a conversation about our boys, how they both needed a friend and decided to get them together after school that day.

A Lunch of Importance

When Sebastian got off the bus that afternoon he excitedly told me he had lunch with another boy who asked HIM to PLAY. This to my knowledge was the first time he hadn’t played by himself at recess since he started school. They played a game of Star Wars. I smiled, the opening process had begun and he absolutely beamed with it.

The Big Meeting

While I was waiting for Sebastian to get off the bus, Scott’s mom came to join us. (The synchronicities of this meeting fill me with wonder and remind me how the universe responds to our needs as I would later come to find out that Rebecca also has a three year old daughter, works at Boeing just like my husband, loves the trails in our neighborhood just like we do and her husband’s family is from the same area as my husband’s…in fact my husband went to High School with his cousins!)

We introduced the boys and walked down to my house where they played outside for awhile. Scott’s mom was almost in tears, she said it was the first time she had seen him smile in a week. The boys instantly liked each other, when playtime was over they said goodbye and Sebastian looked forward to riding the bus with Scott the next day. Over the following week they met each other on the playground, rode to and from school together and have played the Xbox 360 at our house. Sebastian has an entirely different perspective of school now that he has a friend. One day I asked if he still wanted to home school and he said, “Not so much anymore, but thanks for asking Mom.” I smiled, knowing that he now felt connected to his school and home community. Often times we don’t realize how important our connectedness is and how when we lose our sense of it…it’s harder to open ourselves to good.

Opening

When we open ourselves up, good things can flow into us. Whatever we are feeling will often determine our perspective and result in our picture of reality. We determine whether that reality is something we enjoy or don’t by what we choose to focus on. When we focus on absence or loss…we don’t feel good and then our reality takes on a negative tone but when we focus on enjoyment and take some action to make a change…we open ourselves to the available good which is always waiting to manifest.

Always Tired

In the not-so-long ago past I was working with a Southern Gospel group who also happened to be good friends of mine. They felt God was calling them to go into full-time ministry and wanted to make a change in their lives…so they hired me. One of the lead singers used to be my boss…I’d watched him labor (as his only employee) to run an entire business by himself for someone else. He scarcely had time for his family often working 70+ hours per week. The job he had was safe and wrong and I had wanted to see him out of it ever since we became good friends. So when he approached me to do booking from at home for his group I had already decided that they would succeed. I had heard the CD, knew where their passion was and had determined that I would open the doors necessary to get them living another way.

At this time in my life I knew very little about how energy flows, or the abundance of the universe. All I knew was this had to happen…and I had to do it. This task consumed my mind 24 hours a day, seven days a week for over two years. I poured myself, my energy, my mind, my time, my heart and my emotions into creating this alternative. It was literally like giving birth and when they got signed to a label I had never before in my life been so tired. I didn’t understand until much later that I was literally throwing energy out into this process, stealing my life force and lending toward grasping the immaterial and dragging it kicking and screaming into the material…problem was, I didn’t know how to recharge. I just gave and gave. Eventually it had to stop…and so it did. But it was another almost 2 years before I figured out what had happened.

Harnessing Attention

One of the first things I needed to learn was how to focus. I would mentally do donuts on the beach regarding what I wanted to happen, or the opportunities I was working on, going over and over every little detail like a mantra…I would see what I wanted mentally but underneath I often carried the fear that it wouldn’t happen and the anxiety that I was not doing enough. So on the little things I would be full of self-sabotage but I never loss sight of the big things. Daily I envisioned the group in front of people, connecting with audiences and doing what was in their hearts to do. The image was so strong I could see it, feel it and knew in the core of my being that was where they were going, when I would get so full of anxiety that I couldn’t take it anymore, I would spend time in this larger place…and this is the reason that it worked at all. Focusing and training your mind toward abundance requires that you can:

The Law of Attraction

The reason that I was able to help my friends create a new life…in a way in which many people in their industry said could not be done…is the law of attraction, which simply put…means you get what you think about. If you can imagine it, feel it and make it real mentally…then it comes to you because you emanate a complimentary energy which ATTRACTS your desires. Many of us have self-sabotaging habits such as worry and anxiety that can instead get us emanating an energy that compliments the things we are worried about. In my case, the knowing was stronger than the sabotage…so it worked out…it worked out fast and everything fell into place in a way beyond the ability of the individuals involved. The constant energy battle I engaged in at this time however, left me tired. I was exhausted from the effort and it took many months and several years to understand how I lost energy and why the experience didn’t feel good much of the time.

Energy

As a seven on the enneagram, I worked very hard to pull things into manifestation to stave off my basic fear of being stuck in an unpleasant, unwanted or otherwise painful situation. I was always outrunning this fear and sending enormous amounts of energy out of myself as a kind of crucifix that I used to ward off the evils lurking in the darkness of my personality that I had not yet confronted. I had not learned to pick and choose where I put my energy. My mind would race and my energy would follow…extremely scattered it flew out by the fistfuls toward every imagined want that passed my thoughts. For a seven, there are fifty-million little desires a day that are pleasant distractions…if you want to have any effect on even one of them…you have to learn to consciously ‘place’ your energy instead of letting it follow every little desire.

Making Time for Visualization

As I gained in health I started setting time aside to visualize my desires. At first this was not easy…I had so many it was hard to choose and my mind just could not provide me with any answers in this regard which would trigger the fear of ‘missing out’ on something. So I learned to start with a meditation that would quiet my mind. Once all the stuff that had been flying around in there was out, I was able to obtain a state of contentment…pure gold for a seven! From there, it was easy to see how much of what I thought I wanted I already had, or was unnecessary…so prioritizing what to spend my time manifesting got a lot easier. Now I spend time visualizing not so much to manifest but to bring into myself…the abundance that is all around me…everywhere I look. This makes me literally hum with joyful energy…so I sure don’t have to be concerned with what I’m attracting!

Learning to Recharge

Pulling energy out of yourself is unhealthy…especially if you have not yet learned how to recharge. In order to fill up, you have to open up. This may sound backwards…but this is how it works. You have to drop everything, your fears, your wants, your desires, your social roles and supposed-to-bes…you enter naked…just as you truly are…open to the love that is God. Opening up requires a level of comfort and safety so it is no wonder that it takes some practice. A meditation that you are comfortable with will work just fine as a starting place. Start with the meditation and then visualize yourself filling up with radiant light with every deep inhalation you take. Glow, reverberate with it. The light rushes into you from the sun, the trees, the earth beneath you, the stars and moon of the night sky…it comes from everywhere at once…filling you with comfort, joy and love. This is a great way to recharge and open up. Eventually, when you become adept at pulling energy into yourself…you’ll begin this practice before you work on manifesting your desires into your life. This way the energy you use to manifest is not coming only from you…and you can fill up again at any time. This makes the work of manifesting go with lightness and ease and this by far, is the biggest lesson I learned from my experience in music industry. It doesn’t have to be hard and difficult. Once you understand energy, the law of attraction and how to manifest…you can do so with ease.

Breathe

As I look to the east in the crisp morning air; I see the sun burning in the sky…the east, air, mind, will. The rush in my lungs and the wind on my skin brings images to mind of an infant’s first breath which is synonymous with life itself. Flowing, dancing…the joy of being alive, soars through me…sings to every cell in my body…the cells that remember the dark waters of the womb; the safe, secure night of rest before emerging into the light. Sunlight caresses my skin. The nurturing warmth feels like love sinking to the depths of me…the playful breeze is the delighted giggle of an incorrigible child.

With purposeful breath… I notice the thoughts fade, the clarity of my mind is a sharp and focused beam of light. My will is my sword, my mind is its edge and its shining steel blade knows no equal. I am the conscious mind, the mind of all, that cuts through all, and reveals truth. Thoughts ring out like the note of a bell and in a harmony that can only be described as music. My will wields this mind with great accuracy and focus releasing to creation…the symphony of my desires. Yet, in this moment I do not desire as much as I delight…I am full of life, there is no need which is not met.

I breathe…with gratitude.

Close Encounters

So you’re about to go into a room with that person who asks you questions that make you feel uncomfortable. The conversations always leave you feeling less than good and you’ve developed either a history of avoiding them or anxious anticipation of the next unpleasant encounter. Everyone has been in this situation, but have you ever noticed your thoughts when something like the above scenario is about to take place? Are you guilty of re-living the past by remembering what you already experienced and then going one step further and imagining just how much worse it can get many times over before you are actually IN the room with this person?

Have you ever encountered a difficult person you usually avoid accidentally…before you had time to “mentally prepare” yourself, and left thinking…gosh that wasn’t so bad. Not having time to re-live your interaction negatively puts you in a more positive place and often times…what you are noticing is the lack of heaviness and negativity that the encounter had for you. This is what makes it “not so bad”…and guess what…you can do that anytime you want to, because the truth is you created the first scenario with your mental activity and you can just as easily…re-write your story.

Taking Control

One of the most difficult things about dealing with difficult people is the sense that we are no longer in control of our experience. This is really what all the anxiety is about. So when you catch yourself re-living unpleasant scenarios from your past…be gentle with yourself and recognize you have a need for control and here’s about the best control secret I know of for these situations. You had the power to imagine yourself in…now imagine yourself out.

Imagining Your Way Out

Imagining your way out is nothing more than creating images. Instead of creating your fears and dreads try creating your ideal situation. Play it out over and over in your mind in a way that makes you feel great. Take the situation and turn it into a pleasant meeting of two completely secure and happy people. Take it just to the point where you feel good and confident and then let it go. If the anxiety rises up in you again, repeat the process until you no longer experience it. The real encounters with difficult people take place far in advance of face to face meetings…face to face meetings are usually very brief compared to the time we spend thinking about them. When you bring yourself to a more positive place you have taken control of your experience and you have re-written your story…this in turn makes space within these relationships for shaping and shifting and positive change.

Definition of Trust

Reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.
Based on the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2006.

Is it just me or is the very definition of trust a paradox? It is a dependence that provides confidence and security…which is then relied upon. Thinking about trust made me realize how often our sense of security is shaken based on where we place it. Understanding how we trust and why, could lead us to a state in which we consciously “place” our security.

“Placing”

“Placing” security is the term I use for tying your sense of being o.k., well and otherwise safe in things, people, places and ideas. Often times we are attaching our security without awareness, to objects outside of ourselves that are by their very nature in a state of flux. This contradiction makes us very insecure…because we can see things change around us so we worry or fear that where we have “placed” our security is fragile…and truth be known; it is. So if we can’t gain our sense of security from others, and all things around us that seem solid…where can we get it?

Real security lies in an understanding of the nature of the world in which you live. When you learn to embrace the uncertainty of this world and stop trying to create the eternal where it is not…then you are free to see what you can rely upon.

Nothing Stays the Same

The world of forms and form structures follow the ebb and flow patterns of the tide. A form is born, lives out its existence as that form and then dissolves back into what it came from. It is a misunderstanding of this process, which drives us out of fear, to find something that stays. What we often don’t see is that everything stays…but nothing remains the same. It is the dance of creation to flow outward and inward…birth is death and death is birth. The source which is life is the same source that cuts the threads…there is no difference in the life force, which is energy…only the form it takes, changes.

Absolutism is Self-Destruction

The endless pursuit of absolutes…is born of the fear that we ourselves are fragile and impermanent. If there is an absolute structure that the mind grasps a hold of, it will ruthlessly defend this structure because it gives the mind a false sense of security. So then there is my way…and only my way. You are wrong and an enemy because you threaten my security…so I ask…can absolutes (mind structures that can be threatened) really make you secure?

Variation Allows for Continuance
(if it can’t adapt and change, it won’t survive)

There must be differences. Variety is the testing ground for new traits that survive an ever-changing environment. Relationships, businesses, life forms and all other structures must adhere to this natural law in order to survive. Yet, what is this human tendency to want to make everything the same…the same as what? The same as me…of course. Then I can make it a part of myself. I can acquire, I can become, bigger, better, stronger, more…ah, but that is it, right there. Why do I need to become more? Because of the fear that I am not enough…and I fear that I am not enough because I do not see my connectedness to all that is. All that is…in all of creation, pulses through me…yet I can not feel this because I have lost touch with the truths that are apparent in all of nature and the world around me. I have not unlocked my own power, and in doing so, seen that while I am unique I am also all that ever was, is and ever will be…I am an extension of the creative power of the universe. I am the silence and the noise, the earth and the heavens, the water flowing down stream and the ocean tide, the soft summer breeze and the howling winds of the storm, I am the cozy fire of the hearth and the flame that consumes all it touches. I am laughter, pain, joy and sadness, I am the mind the gets things done, the heart that feels all, the inner wisdom of the ages and the love of all time. Once you no longer fear your own power and you truly know yourself…you are then able to ‘place’ your trust in the ever-present eternal that flows through all of creation. There is nothing more secure…on which to rely.

Dismantling Christmas

Yesterday was the day I finally took down my Christmas decorations. I know, I know…you’re shaking your head in disbelief, I mean here it is February…we’ve already passed Groundhog Day and I’m just now dismantling Christmas! It is like this for me every year. I really love Christmas…the tree, the lights, the ever-present life it reminds me of…I have a hard time letting it go and this year was no exception. So I tethered the dog to a tree outside and got down to business. I had our artificial tree in pieces, surrounded by ornaments and containers which were spread all over the floor. Occasionally I wandered past the slider and peered out at the dog. To my surprise I found her sitting by a bush, staring at me through the glass, with Zen-like attention. She was the picture of perfect patience! I would later find out that she had chewed through the lead I had used to anchor her and was only still there because she had managed to tether herself with it’s lose end to the bush she was so intentionally occupying space near! Not knowing that…I was extremely impressed with her behavior!

A few hours later, the tree, ornaments and decorations were put away, the furniture was rearranged, the room was sparkling clean and I (like God in the book of Genesis) was pleased with what I had done and had decided it was good.

The Pink Soccer Ball

My three year old was delighted to help me take everything down…she had been doing this for months without permission! So of course she soon tired of it and discovered the pink soccer ball her Uncle had given her instead. She was tossing it in the air…lost in the pursuit of seeing just how close she could get it to the top of the vaulted ceiling of the living room when I interrupted her with instruction to roll the ball in the house. She looked at me and dutifully rolled the ball as I climbed the stairs with an armful of articles that belonged on the second floor. I got as far as my bed, to set the items I had been carrying down, when I heard the loud crash of very thick glass, shattering.

I flew down the stairs, my legs felt like they materialized under me I was moving so quickly. My daughter was no where in sight. In a myriad of pieces on my fireplace mantle was a the solid crystal picture frame that has held my wedding photo for the last eight years. The wedding photo now had a few scratches. Another little frame that had contained a picture of a cat sitting inside a top hat floating in midair with the caption of don’t try to understand…just go with the flow had also broken. The pink soccer ball was resting unaffected along the edge of the carpet.

Broken but Beautiful

While cleaning the glass I was thinking about how I might react to this incident. I could see myself crying over it, over the lost wedding gift, over the damaged photo. I could see myself angry over what I could have easily perceived as a giant mess. I could see myself making my daughter feel bad for her delight in watching that ball fly. I could SEE them all but I could not BE any of them. None of them fit. Just then the light through the window shifted as I sat there sifting through the pieces, every little shard shone like a diamond. Rainbows of color and light danced off the pieces and I was awestruck by how beautiful this frame still was…even though it resembled nothing of its former self.

Nothing remains of the crystal frame that once sat on my mantle…but when I think back on it today, it’s not loss or hassle that comes to mind…it’s the beauty of those shards sparkling in the sunlight. It reminded me that broken is a perspective…the beauty in life can be masked by that viewpoint but it is always present if we allow ourselves to see it.

Perspective

Are you among those who only trust the physical side of existence? Or maybe you’re more like Obi Wan in Star Wars who tells Luke, “Your eyes can deceive you, don’t trust them. Reach out with your feelings.” Where does this perspective come from? How many stop, look around and get a sense that what they are looking at isn’t real…that something else alive and moving is pulsing under the surface? This is an idea capable of generating a lot of confusion in many people, yet so many of us have had this experience. One day you are a part of the ebb and flow…like a drone worker bee, only knowing your task, only interested in your own path and how to accomplish it, as you navigate through the many happenings that you may perceive as obstacles and the many messages that remain hidden along the way. One day you just stop…and you see something else. You actually see the ebb and flow…you see higher intelligence and orchestration, instead of just being aware of your part as a drone…you are suddenly aware of the entire hive! Your perspective broadens…as you can now view yourself as a small piece of a connected whole.

Everything that once seemed so solid takes on a shimmering almost projected feel. There is something underneath the solid appearance…that is somehow more real. You can sense it, feel it and all of sudden know that nothing is as impenetrable as it once seemed; that everything in actuality is in a state of flow. Seeing the world as fluid is really disorienting to the perspective you have developed in your life thus far and you are forced to stop everything and just observe for awhile.

Shift

All of a sudden the 9-5 life you thought was so important, all the masks and roles you wore are seen as a complete waste of time and you seek to align yourself with this larger perspective you have gained. You start to throw off all the false identities you’ve picked up through life to tell yourself and others who you are. You see who you are so clearly you no longer need them. Posturing, social ladder climbing and many other activities which so many in our society are busily engaged have absolutely no appeal for you…you seek instead authentic relationship with the energy you sense underneath all that is the world and others. An unreasonable joy and happiness emerge in you; it is the joy of just being a living part of all that is. You no longer have a big void within yourself to stuff full of all the people and things one acquires in life simply to silence the fears of not being enough. Instead what you acquire; you enjoy as an expression of the beauty inherit in life…you appreciate it in your expanded perspective. Your losses are viewed as part of the ebb and flow of the fluid energy of creation and as such are appreciated as a necessary component for the health of the whole…all the while recognizing the cycle will always turn. Growth leads to repose…repose leads to growth.

The Lens

Your relationship with yourself and the world changes and you begin to become aware of the power of lens with which you choose to view life. All views are a lens. The lens is the view of the consciousness using it…and is as fluid as life itself. Relationship with everything becomes the mirror of the lens you are using and you begin to consciously process what is being shown to you through the mirror, and then make adjustments to your lens. As you become more aware of your own power to perceive everything in life…you realize you are really relating to yourself and that this wonderful experience of life is teaching you how to use to your own consciousness. Your consciousness is the creator of the lens, so whenever you experience difficulty, hardship, joy, happiness, sorrow or pain…you begin at the level of your consciousness to discover the messages hidden in the mirror. You no longer see the situation, person or outside events as the causes…you know that what is happening to you is a reflection of the lens and that the lens is there to teach you to be your deepest and truest self; peeling you like an onion skin until you know what is real.