Close Encounters

So you’re about to go into a room with that person who asks you questions that make you feel uncomfortable. The conversations always leave you feeling less than good and you’ve developed either a history of avoiding them or anxious anticipation of the next unpleasant encounter. Everyone has been in this situation, but have you ever noticed your thoughts when something like the above scenario is about to take place? Are you guilty of re-living the past by remembering what you already experienced and then going one step further and imagining just how much worse it can get many times over before you are actually IN the room with this person?

Have you ever encountered a difficult person you usually avoid accidentally…before you had time to “mentally prepare” yourself, and left thinking…gosh that wasn’t so bad. Not having time to re-live your interaction negatively puts you in a more positive place and often times…what you are noticing is the lack of heaviness and negativity that the encounter had for you. This is what makes it “not so bad”…and guess what…you can do that anytime you want to, because the truth is you created the first scenario with your mental activity and you can just as easily…re-write your story.

Taking Control

One of the most difficult things about dealing with difficult people is the sense that we are no longer in control of our experience. This is really what all the anxiety is about. So when you catch yourself re-living unpleasant scenarios from your past…be gentle with yourself and recognize you have a need for control and here’s about the best control secret I know of for these situations. You had the power to imagine yourself in…now imagine yourself out.

Imagining Your Way Out

Imagining your way out is nothing more than creating images. Instead of creating your fears and dreads try creating your ideal situation. Play it out over and over in your mind in a way that makes you feel great. Take the situation and turn it into a pleasant meeting of two completely secure and happy people. Take it just to the point where you feel good and confident and then let it go. If the anxiety rises up in you again, repeat the process until you no longer experience it. The real encounters with difficult people take place far in advance of face to face meetings…face to face meetings are usually very brief compared to the time we spend thinking about them. When you bring yourself to a more positive place you have taken control of your experience and you have re-written your story…this in turn makes space within these relationships for shaping and shifting and positive change.