An Obsession with Star Wars

My six year old son Sebastian has developed an obsession with Star Wars toys. Many times while in a store he would go to the toy section and come find me with an arm load of them. We could have afforded to buy them but my intuition in these situations was telling me that this was not the right time for him to get these toys. So I would say to him that we were only at the store to buy what we need and together we would go through an exercise of sorting through the cart items, separating needs from wants and putting everything back that had slipped outside of that category. Since even Mom had to put some items back on the shelf, he would leave the store a little disappointed but with the sense that it was fair. I would end these trips with telling him that this is not his only chance…there will be another opportunity to acquire what he wants…all he need do is wait patiently and imagine how fun the toys are; as if he were already playing with them. Since we did not bring the toys home and sulking was not an option, he took to sitting for endless hours in front of Lego catalogs dreaming up adventures with the Lego sets and telling us excitedly about them.

An Unlikely Place

It was a busy Thursday the school selected to have their Celebration of Learning event where they open the school and classrooms for parents to tour what the kids have been working on, host the annual Spaghetti Feed, have the book fair open late and raffle off the gift baskets that each class was responsible for putting together. It was also the night of Sebastian’s song and dance performance class, so our schedule on the night of the Celebration of Learning was as follows:

5:00pm Arrive for Sunshine Generation Class
6:00pm Drive to Glacier Park Elementary
6:15pm Meet my husband and daughter at the school
6:45pm Go to the Book Fair
7:00pm Check out the raffle baskets, then go home and eat the chicken that was thrown in the oven before we left

A Funny Name

When we finally arrived at the school cafeteria it was late and we were all hungry. The smells of the spaghetti wafted on the air taunting our stomachs as we perused a long series of tables set up end to end, holding the marvelous array of gift baskets assembled by the different classes of the school. My husband Jason inquired about buying some tickets and we left it up to Sebastian to decide which baskets he’d like to try for. Sebastian looked carefully at each basket until he came to one that made his jaw drop…it was a Star Wars dream! Inside the basket were Star Wars Lego’s, movies, books, stickers, bubble bath, pencils, action figures and even a Lightsaber…it surely was enough to put a smile on any young padawan’s face and our little guy was no exception. Jason wrote our name and phone number on the back and handed him the tickets. One by one, he placed them all in the raffle box next to the basket, his eyes shining with delight.

We stood, watched and waited for each winner to be selected and announced while our stomachs growled in protest. Chloe wanted me to pick her up so I held her, rocking her gently from side to side while we waited. I leaned over and asked Jason what he had written on the back of the tickets. He said he had simply written ‘Kawal’ and our phone number. My husband (an enneagram type five) is a master of minimalization, a more typical format would have been something like Sebastian Kawal or Kawal Family and the oddness of his answer was just overwhelmingly funny to me, as an incredibly clear vision of the ladies picking up the box, a child drawing the ticket and a look of confusion coming over the announcer as she tried to decipher the name written on the back of ticket flooded my mind. I shared this vision with Jason…and we amused ourselves while we waited by taking turns reenacting the reaction the woman announcing the winner would have to what he had written.

A Sea of Children

As the raffle conductors made their way down the line toward the Star Wars basket, children materialized out of nowhere…there were so many kids waiting, we had to step back several times to make room for them. The announcers smiled good-naturedly at the excitement, picked up the box containing the tickets for the basket and gave it a shake. A child was selected to draw the ticket and just as we had been joking about…a puzzled look crossed the announcer’s face as she read the ticket several times to herself. When she finally spoke she said, “I know I’m going to butcher this last name…is it ‘Kawal’?”

Trusting it to Come

It took a few seconds for Sebastian to realize that, he had indeed, won the basket. Walking on air he went up to claim his prize. He absolutely beamed with joy. My heart sang for him in that moment as I recognized his wishes manifesting in a way that none of us would have imagined. I remembered him bringing to me some of the exact items that were in this basket on our store trips…and the intuition that told me to wait. Later we talked about it and I told him to always remember the joy he felt when they called his name…to know he can trust the universe to create his desires in ways he’d never expect. His mind has been opened to the fact that a myriad of paths exist for his desires to travel into the material world…he is starting to understand that abundance can strike unexpectedly, right out of nowhere…showering him in ways only limited by his imagination.

Familiar Ground

So you find yourself sitting alone wondering how in the world this has happened to you again. You were just going along as usual when something came up that got you into behavior you yourself don’t even like…yet you still engage in it because it meets some unconscious need that you are vaguely aware of; however you are at odds with yourself regarding this because you recognize that you are not really doing what you want to be doing and this always leaves you feeling somewhat dissatisfied and unhappy with your own choices and the actions that rise out of them. Then someone close to you has the misfortune of questioning you on it and things just get worse from there as you feel they are questioning your validity and are not supportive of you. You gear up for an attack and a battle ensues that makes you feel even worse until you’re sitting there afterwards wondering at what just happened. So what do you do?

Recognize this as an opportunity…whenever you don’t have an answer to a situation that is reappearing you know instantly that you have caught yourself in a pattern! Congratulate yourself…for this is the first step to actually being able to change it!

There is a reason that you have entered this pattern in the first place and the reason is that you have used this behavior to get a need met. So the second step is to identify the need. Maybe you need to be recognized, right, loved, needed, safe, important, in control or valuable. Maybe you are looking for total mastery over something in order to be prepared or maybe you need permission to be you, to achieve something, to get what you want or to make everyone else o.k. in the attempt to be peaceful yourself. Sit with the situation until the need rises to the top…you’ll be able to track it down through complaining thoughts. Sit quietly and feel your way around them…ask, what is it that I feel I need to be o.k. right now? Or play a word association game starting with the sentence, I would be o.k. if…? Write your answers down and then examine them.

If you feel the need to be right try asking yourself what “right” is? Who says so? How do you come to this conclusion? Try taking the idea of perfection out of it and see how that feels. If you need to feel close to others or loved, ask yourself how your value is affected by someone else’s love? How do you know they love you and why should that matter? Try on what it feels like not to “do” in order to be loved. If you need to do something valuable in order to be valuable ask yourself why a particular activity is valuable? Will you ever have done enough to get it? Don’t certain things have value outside of their function? Watch a flower and notice how enjoyable it is outside of its function. In each of the examples mentioned here we have taken the need and re-framed it…notice if you feel even the slightest relief. The relief is a symbol of how the thoughts you hold around the need are affecting you.

After re-framing the need, try on a positive healing thought and see how much more relief you experience. You might think to yourself that maybe others are right, maybe someone else does have a better idea, or maybe I could let someone else do this, maybe it’s o.k. to do something good for myself, too. Maybe I don’t have to be the best all the time, maybe they might like me for who I am, maybe I’m not the only one who feels this way, maybe they are supporting me and loving me in the way that they know how, maybe I can trust people, let them know what I need and still be o.k. Maybe this will work out just fine…I don’t have to be prepared for everything. Maybe I already have enough and there’s nothing really better I could be doing right now. Maybe I’m not missing out. Maybe their intentions are good, maybe I could let my heart out a little. Maybe I can make a difference just because I’m me. Maybe I’m more powerful than I think.

Conclusion

If you find yourself feeling relief after experiencing the healing thought, then you have identified a belief about your needs that does not serve you. It is that perspective that creates the conflict and drives you toward experiences that you already know don’t work. You’ve tried this same method to meet the need many times and you know it doesn’t work, that is why you were able to identify it as a pattern…so the deeper question becomes, is there another way to get this need met?

By working on your perspective…you can find one.

An Unusual Guest

While in trance I often experience visits from people I have tranced with before…familiar characters if you will, but sometimes someone will enter that I’ve never talked to before. In this post I wanted to explore my conversations with the Crone. The Crone is the old woman aspect of a goddess triad who represents wisdom, repose, death, and endings; her two other aspects are the Maiden who represents inception, expansion, the promise of new beginnings, birth and youth and the Mother who represents ripeness, fertility, sexuality, nurturance, fulfillment, stability, power and life.

Goddess triads have been found throughout many cultures such as Africa, Asia and Medieval Christian Folk stories as well as in Greek, Norse, Celtic & Hindu Mythology. Sometimes she is three aspects of the same person and in other instances three separate persons that always appear together; her functions and personalities vary from culture to culture but I find meditating on the aspects of beginnings, fulfillments and endings to be of huge spiritual significance. These meditations connect me to nature, and as I find these aspects displayed everywhere in the world around me I am consistently reminded of the cycle of rebirth; all endings lead to new beginnings and all new beginnings travel through maturity and decline. Even so, of all the characters that one’s mind can face I beleive the Crone is one of the most unsettling, I did not meet her before I was ready…as the following trance excerpt displays:

I raised power into myself by becoming the tree of light and sat contentedly in the sand in a state of perfect alignment and peace. It wasn’t long before a figure dressed in robes with long flowing; silver-gray hair appeared beside me. I said, “Hello. Have we met before?” She said, “No.” and turned her face to me, “You were far more interested in meeting pretty boys than a hag whose face is death.” Staring at her closely I realized the deep truth of this. Her face was skeletal, yet it was also a void…my stomach wanted to turn but I stuck with it and continued to watch. To my surprise I actually felt comforted by her, I didn’t allow myself to fear and so the impulse of it gave way to a sense of awe and wonder. She sure would have been frightening not long ago; it was easy to see why I had not met her before now. “True,” I said. “I do love pretty boys.” “As do I,” she agreed with such appreciation that I was reminded of an old woman who was reliving the passions of her life…”but there is beauty beyond that form…and you miss much of it if you do not develop the eyes to see.”

“Why are you here?” I asked. “What do your feelings tell you?” she queried in return. “You represent endings…” I said, “But also new beginnings…you are the paradox of life.” “Very good.” She said. “You understand that I often signify a time of letting go…but I am also here to offer you a choice.” Before me appeared a path in the forest. We were standing before a “Y” on the path. Left and right looked very similar, the only difference was in how they felt. The right felt so incredibly wrong that I wanted to shrink away from it…and although I was standing still, it was as if the left was sucking me in. She did not offer much information about these paths…she simply said, “Do you know what choice you must make?” I responded, “Yes. I have to decide to make a commitment to my journey…or else go back to living as I was…but the time has passed for walking the line.” She nodded and before her sprung strands…they looked like spider webs. In her hands she held scissors. “When we make such a decision, old ways of life are cut from the vine; they die and shrivel like the fallen trees in the dark forest. In their wake…springs the new life you have chosen. Death, decay, loss always comes first.” “ I understand” I nodded. She continued, “This is not an easy path, for as soon as one walks it, they experience the shedding of the old skin, the regeneration of life…which feels like things are falling away, feels like loss, feels like death. That is the challenge of the choice…if one can see that and get through the discomfort, then their success is assured.”

“I have already made my choice.” I acknowledged, “Before you even asked. I knew last night that a dedication would be required of me. I searched myself and knew that I could not live life any other way. Come what may…going back is a far worse death…it is a living death that I can not endure.”

She nodded and the strands of her web began to shimmer and catch the light. “The path that you have chosen only allows for that which supports and stimulates your direction on it. That which drives you forward must continue, however, there are attachments that you hold,” she said. “That block the path and hold you to the old way. Will you relinquish them?” I saw materialize before me people and situations reflected in the strands. She asked in turn if I would relinquish them…some were easy choices, others were not. When I understood the choices and all the strands were cut she said. “I will ask you to relinquish no more. You must choose the path.” The clear choice was the path on the left, I made my choice and then the path disappeared and we were back on the beach. She touched my forehead and said…”this is the gift of sight for those who would see the mysteries.” And she pried open an eye that appeared beneath her fingers. Its vision was hazy…merely shadows. “You will see much in time.” She said and disappeared. I was glowing. I had a great deal of power running through me at this point. So I channeled the energy into a cone and released it into the clear sky, as my dedication to the path of spirit.

The Crone often appears when we are at a crossroads in our life…when things need to change or are already changing. She can help us see clearly what those changes entail. She is the wise-woman, the knower, the seer, the one who cavorts with death and is not afraid. Within her lies great power that we are often afraid to tap but I suggest getting to know this side of life a little better. I have found my conversations with the void to be of immense value

What is a Trance?

A trance state is a form of expanded awareness; a window to the underlying energy currents that shape the universe. In Balinese the word for trance means ‘to become’. It is a place where you can view and become one with the energy that is surrounding you. This energy is fluid, and can in part be changed and affected by your participation. When you go into trance you become aware of this energy and it is processed into mental images for you. Learning to work with these images can show you where you are in the energy world, what energy you have created, what you’re currently emanating and where you need to place your focus. Using trance consciously just like conscious dreaming, can be a very useful for identifying areas you need to work on and for determining what is likely to come into your physical experience.

Trance as a Window to Your Dominant Thoughts

Anything you’ve put a lot of energy toward, whether you are aware of it or not…is likely to surface in your trance state. This makes trance a great window to whatever is on your mind whether you know you’ve been thinking about it, or it is just running in the background. It also gives you an opportunity to work on these thoughts in a different state of consciousness. I often find that the people I encounter in trance are able to give me clear insight to questions I have, an area in my life I’m working on, need direction for or to provide confirmation of a choice when your regular state of mind is assailed with doubts. Whenever I need to get clear on thoughts I’ve been experiencing, or ideas I’ve been exploring the trance state always provides me with a lucid platform in which I can see my own participation in all levels of my life.

An excerpt from one of my most recent trances:

He came up and it was like sharing a secret with a childhood friend. “Do you know what I represent to you?” He asked with a charming smile. “Yes”, I answered as a flood of very old images passed over me stretching back into my earliest memories…have I really known him this long some part of me wondered. “You are culture, respect, status, refinement, what others think.” He smiled again…”Yes.” “What is it that you really want?” He asked. “I want all of those things,” I said looking down at my fingers in the sand and then meeting his eyes again…”but not the way I used to. I want to do what is in my heart to do; I want to set my soul free. I want the heavens to move in accordance with my will…I want the abundance because I am being real and true and have something of real value to offer. Now all that status is just an after effect…a symbol of a much larger freedom. How do I get it?” I queried. His gaze went out to the waves and he said…”By being who you are and not what people tell you…you are. You are on the right track…I’ve never seen you so close. Don’t fall into the trap of viewing yourself through the eyes of others and you will make it. Always see the real you.” We sat next to each other on the beach…from a deep internal place I was aware of his heart beat and my own keeping time; both resounding to the beat of the waves in the background. As he prepared to leave, he gave me a fond glance and kissed me the way that some close friends do. Then he got up and walked off waving his hand with a smile.

I watched him disapear into the mist while leaning back on the beach, propped up on my elbows. As I turned my attention to the tide, a light started to glow from the center of my breast and my chest began to split apart. A being of light emerged; wind was in its hand, flowers erupted where it walked, the light of the sun beat from it…and then the waves came up and engulfed it somewhat dowsing its light. It fell to the sand and I ran to it, pulling it out of a tide pool whose water was thick like amniotic fluid. I held it close. It was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. A human like form that was all things I’d ever beheld yet none of them exactly. I could feel its chest move…water came out of its mouth and deep breathing followed. When it was warm enough and strong enough it opened its eyes, a soft beautiful light engulfed us and we merged into one form…I was reborn.

Closing Thoughts on Trance

This is but a segment of a trance that involved a teaching about love, abundance, finding who you really are and letting that real you come to the surface. For me, these experiences are amazing. They allow me clear answers to my questions, they show me what is really important to me and they teach me far more in a shorter period of time than my normal thinking state affords. Of course, it does not benefit you to spend all of your time in trance…it is definitely something that has value when used appropriately but can be distracting when used inappropriately. I use trance when my intuition tells me I should and for specific reasons, either to visualize something I want to bring into my life or to get clear on something that is already happening. There are many uses for trance but I personally feel it is important to be clear on why you are using the technique before you begin. I also keep detailed logs of all my dream and trance work so I can see how much what I discovered there helped me shape and transform my life.

Stealing?

Insidiously strange notion…do I carry guilt for success? Do I somehow think I’m using it all up? If I think that…how can I really believe in the abundance of the universe?

I pull open the slider to let the dog out. It appears to be raining pretty hard that is nothing new for the Pacific Northwest. I walk out and wait for her to finish her routine of eliminating. She makes a half-hearted attempt to cover it with the wet earth beneath her feet, I can’t help but wonder slightly at this practice…it seems a remnant from a life that dogs no longer remember but perhaps would like to reclaim.

I am distracted from this thought by something bouncing off my jacket…I extend my palms and study the rain falling into my hands…changing to little balls of sleet right before my eyes. The steady fall transforms into a downpour…a myriad array of tiny freezing water droplets come so rapidly that they appear to be creating lines from the heavens like the tails of a million tiny comets travelling straight courses to the earth.

As I look skyward my hair and face become covered like my outstretched hands…so many fall that they are beyond count. Standing in this shower of abundance I visualize each ball as a manifested desire answered by the universe. In a spontaneous burst of loud laughter bubbling up from the depths of my being I experience the delight of the big bellied Buddah, of the Goddess, of the creative powers of the universe…which made it impossible not to see that only a human could understand things in such limited terms. Go forth…divinity beckons for the language of consciousness is that of desire and delight…and create without fear…for lack is a concept that I do not know.

The Emotional Guidance System

Many of us carry around strong ideas about our emotions and how we feel. These ideas were created in part by the reactions of those around us while we were experiencing them, by the ideology of the society in which we grew to maturity and by our own experience of and with how we feel. In actuality our emotions are neither good nor bad and to borrow from Shakespeare, it is our thinking that makes them so. Most of us have entirely missed the boat altogether on the purpose of emotions. Emotions serve a function…they let us know where we are internally. If we feel good then we know that there is balance and harmony between what we are thinking, what we are doing and our innermost self. If we feel bad, then something is out of alignment. So the feelings that most of us view as negative actually give us an opportunity to make a change, to come into alignment and to restore harmony and balance.

If There’s Discomfort Go Deeper

Whenever a strong emotion arises within you, it might be helpful to look at it like an internal alarm…lets call it your harmony alarm. It’s telling you to wake up and take a look around…that something is going on of which you were not aware. So the first step is always to stick with the emotion…and let it lead you to thoughts that created it…because it will take you to the source of the disturbance which can always be found within your perspective in other words within the lens you are choosing to view the events and happenings of your life. That lens generates thoughts born out of that perspective…the body then reacts to those thoughts in the form of an emotion. So stick with the feeling, let it lead you to the thoughts that generated it and then examine your perspective.

Playing With Perspective

” Consciousness is the most stubborn substance in the cosmos, and the most fluid. It can be rigid as concrete, and it can change in an instant. A song can change it, or a story, or a fragrance wafting on the wind.” ~ The Fifth Sacred Thing

As illustrated in the quote above, a viewpoint is easily changed. It is much more fluid than most of us realize and changing it is somewhat similar to changing an old pair of pants that no longer fits. Once you have tracked down the thoughts, take a non-judgmental look at them. Ask yourself if what they are saying is really true? Is there any real danger here? Perhaps you’re thinking about something difficult that could happen or something that was unpleasant in the past. Perhaps you’re dealing with another person and instead of realizing that their actions are a reflection of what is going on inside of them and their current needs, experiences and explorations you are assuming that this is all about you. Try to take yourself out of your viewpoint and try on another. (Like pants shopping) keep trying on new pairs until you identify one that feels o.k. and continue to play the game until you find one that actually feels good. When you reach the one that feels good, you will know you are on the right track. You have identified the emotions, followed them back to the thoughts that generated them and used those thoughts as a window to the viewpoint which was in error and was in essence responsible for the imbalance. By using the navigational system of your emotions, you were able to identify a viewpoint which would restore that balance and go on with your life from your newly enhanced perspective…thereby transforming all that was negative into positive change.

A Profound Tree

Walking in the forest I came across this tree. There was an energy about it that had captured my attention so I stopped and spent some time with it. As I took the circular path around the trunk I realized I was actually looking at the remnant stump of an extremely old redwood tree that appeared to have fallen and sprouted anew. But that wasn’t exactly right either; closer examination would reveal something more…a small and precious mystery unraveling before me.

An entirely new tree had taken root on top of the decaying stump, it stretched down the sides of the foundation of the old redwood in a loving embrace, the perfect example of the dance that is life and also death. Images of a seed falling from the sky entered my mind. I stared at this natural masterpiece for some time…with no words coming that could even begin to describe what I was feeling. I was intensely connected to the energy of life, ebbing and flowing in and out of form…its pulse like the heartbeat of time.

Looking for Answers

I have felt for some time that the purpose of my life is to answer the call of the great mystery; which is the seeking of a first hand experience with, and a living knowledge of, the divine. I wish to know where I came from…I want to commune through what feels like a separation between spirit and flesh with the glue that holds it all together. I desire a connectedness to something larger than myself. I have this in common with every human being who has ever lived on the planet because in this way we are all the same and every faith is the same…but first I had to learn what it means to seek and more importantly how to find that connection.

Seek, Allow, Find

Throughout my journey I came to realize that there are some steps one needs to take in order to find a spiritual connection. The first is developing an awareness that something is off about your human experience. This was for me, was the first stage of seeking this connection…I began to understand that I could become more than I was and I made the decision to let that desire to be more, guide me out of my comfort zone and into the unknown.

The next thing I gained was the understanding that I had to learn to question my current knowledge, to be willing to unlearn behaviors and methods of thinking that ultimately did not serve me and in the process develop openness within myself thereby allowing of the mysteries to reveal themselves within the realm of my experience.

Lastly, I had to learn that experience is my window to the divine and that my thoughts, emotions and inner state are all a guidance system designed to help me navigate my interior landscape. The path is an individual quest, one that must be sought after and executed by the person who wants to know…and one that ultimately leads to that from which you came…that which we call God. Myth expert Joseph Campbell sums it up beautifully with, “The goal of life is to make your heartbeat match the beat of the universe, to match your nature with Nature.”

It Comes From Within

This for me, met the most resistance. It took the longest to learn because I was very frightened of what I would find on the journey inward. I was seeking because I sensed there was more…but spent my time looking in places where it could not actually be found. Seeking to know the divine set me on the path…yearning to understand began to change my heart but I could not know the infinite until I was ready to understand this one very important point…if I could not find it within myself, I would never find it without.

It reminds me in a way of the Lord of the Rings when the fellowship comes to the magically sealed doors of Moria. The riddle above the doors says “Speak friend and enter.” Gandolf assumes that it means if you are a friend, you speak the password and the doors will open, but it literally means to speak the word, friend. Similarly, I projected complexity into my pursuit of the divine. Jesus said, knock and the door will open…but somewhere along the way I had given my power to control the door over to the complexity…which was self created. I had forgotten that the door has always been within my control and that it is either opened or it is closed…it’s that simple. When the door is open I am able to bring aspects of the eternal into myself…and from that place…I experience divinity. The connectivity I seek is always there and always available…so then the deeper question at any moment is always, do I go inside and open the door?

A Magic Door

I looked outside…it was pouring down rain. My hope that it might let up by the time I had finished the housework waned. Oh well, I said to myself as I rushed downstairs to dress my three year old for the hike, that’s what boots are for!

We take our hikes on a network of biking trails that extend for miles on land located directly east of our house. The trail head is less than 3 blocks away from our front step. I like to think of it as a magic door to another world…because in many ways that is how it feels. Before I’ve gone half a mile down the trail, I’ve left suburbia behind. Nothing but trees, ferns, leaves, rocks, creeks and elk await me…it is a sanctuary in a place where cookie-cutter housing developments are going in by the fistfuls and Costco is not far behind.

Choices at the “Y”

Everyday the trail we take is the same until we come to the “Y”. At this point we have to make a choice…to the right lies what I fondly refer to as the trail of light and to the left…is the path of darkness. As we approach the “Y” I slow down and pause to take a look down each direction. My three year old looks at me, rain splatters her face and she sticks out her tongue to catch the water droplets. She follows my line of sight down the trail of light…this way…I ask hopefully. NO…she says forcefully and points her finger toward the trail on the left…THIS WAY.

The Beginning of the Path

I sigh…lately she has been really fascinated with this trail. Well…at least we’re outside and walking , my thoughts continue, like you should be complaining, the part of me that observes my mind piped up. I wasn’t complaining…I said to my inner watchdog…I merely sighed. The inner observer snooted, and turned her head in disdain as if to say…yeah and WE all KNOW what THAT means!

Pretending to ignore that last comment, I proceeded, knowing the observer was right and busied myself with opening up…so that I could enjoy the ride. I started a breathing meditation as we walked and began to notice just how beautiful the beginning segment of this trail really is.

Ahead of us is one of the loveliest stretches we’ve come across on this network of paths that weave in and out of this vast acreage we love to explore. The trail goes before us like a wave… weaving its serpentine tail through two hills and a valley up a steady incline. As we crest the top of the hill, cheery piles of stones (trail markers) greet us, the greens of the conifers contrast the yellow grass and the deep brown-reds of the dead foliage and awakening berry bushes. I turn to look behind me and think of just how wonderfully spaced and balanced this segment of the trail is…overlooking the valley with a view of the next hill everything has room and space to be. The evergreens are gorgeously poised…eternal, they seem impervious to change, while everything around them is responding to spring. Up ahead through the next grove of trees is the entrance.

A Change of Scene

We walk with purposeful steps through mud, our boots finding the rock underneath to firm our steps. Ahead is the entrance to the dark part of the forest. Walking in is like going back through time to a cretaceous wood. There are only the bare brown trunks of very thin and extremely tall conifers. So thick are the trees that you have to crane your neck skyward to see the green at their very tops. The light changes greatly as we enter and my three year old asks…Is the sun going down Mama? I hold her hand and answer, No Baby…the trees block its light…the sun is still up. The trail in this part of the wood is dirt and rock only…nothing grows in the limited light except some hardy dark green moss clinging to the trees. The bare forest ground is stark and I find myself noticing tire tracks, paw prints and other characteristics of the trail itself. As we round a bend something interesting happens though. A handful of trees have fallen. As we enter the light left in their wake we are surrounded by lush ferns on either side of the trail. A bright green, jolly moss has sprung to life on the trunks of the fallen trees and on the living trees that border the site as well. This small portion of the forest was full of life and had a wonderful bright feel to it. As we traveled further in we found many amazing little pockets like this…each one erupting from a place of decay causing my thoughts to turn again toward balance.

The Way Home

As we headed home I experienced a great contentment and realized that this forest I often resisted had taught me something on this day. Where there is much old growth things decline and the overall health and balance of an ecosystem, organism or any structure suffers. Nature has a solution to that in the form of change, the unhealthy parts must fall away to make room for something new…out of which comes a balance. New life always springs forth from all endings, apparent deaths and decay…this is the renewal process, the creative force of change which breathes transformation into all that fades away.

Walking home I delighted in the water droplets glistening on the bright, baby-green new growth of the pine needles, enjoying the feeling of being at one with and connected to nature. Our German Shepherd, having found a stick she deemed worthy of the trip home, was smiling happily as the rain cascaded down her nose while my three year old, who was clinging to my hand for support, walked next to me with her face skyward…in perfect joy and trust.

Growing Light

The days become visibly longer and the sleeping seeds of the earth stir within their dark slumber. As the strengthening sun initiates spring, our own internal light grows with it and we feel the seeds of change stir within us…reflecting the coming season of growth. Our inspirations are sparked, our individuation begins…we have set sail on the ocean of transformation in order to come into being…which is being more fully…our unique selves. This is the time of initiation and beginnings, when we start to realize all we have planted, grows with the lengthening year. What changes we ask, in awe and wonder, will the inspiration and fire of the Spring Dawning bring?